my mom does so much for me, but I don't like her. I feel like a piece of shit.

why must things be so complicated? my mom raised me. she's not perfect, but she does so fucking much for not only me, but her entire side of the family. she's been working hard her whole damn life, and was even a war refugee at one point.

and I(18f) have the nerve to dislike her.

I still talk to her, buy her birthday and mother's day gifts, and get little trinkets for her, but it all feels so performative. I've had resentment for her since I was 4. FOUR years old, and I was already tired of her.

I feel so guilty, but I also can't blame my feelings. She's constantly nagging and lecturing me. Shes not very understanding: b growing up, ESPECIALLY in my teen years, she'd often dismiss my emotions. she could be as snarky and short tempered as she wanted, but if I even GLARED at her, I'd get scolded for attitude. she's overbearing and overprotective.

she's pushy with her beliefs, and often compared me to other girls to imply I'm not "girly enough". she knew I had awful OCD, yet was in denial about until my SENIOR YEAR. by then, the damage was done. she's also homophobic and thinks gayness is an evil spirit, which as a closeted bi person, kinda hurts.

she's not explicitly abusive, but her personality and actions REALLY get under my skin. i've tried talking to her about how she makes me feel since middle school, but nothing changes.

she deserves love, yes. I just don't know if I can interact with her like a trusted friend, though.

💔