[Radio Ad] “I’ll give a free phone to each of my 4 daughters, then see which one calls me first!”

There’s a radio ad for U.S. Cellular in which a guy is told about a deal in which he gets four free phones. He says, “I’ll give one to each of my four daughters, to see which one calls me first!”

And you’d think, kind of a weird contest, but whatever… and then it gets weirder.

“Yeah,” he goes on, “I can only afford to pay for one of their weddings.”

Oh, is it 1953 now, in dad actually pays for daughter’s wedding land? Weird you haven’t saved up for their dowries sooner, dog. Mayhap you can match them with suitors with proper connections. Then you wouldn’t have to pit them against each other in a contest to suck up to you the fastest.

“I hope it’s [name], but I just know” (dejected sigh) “it’s gonna be Sarah.”

So much to unpack here. So much. Why does he resent the daughter that he just knows is going to actually be the first to call him on her free phone? Isn’t that what he wanted? Is that not his plan? Why does he have one daughter he’d rather finance a wedding for? Just… what the fuck?

So anyway, that’s one that always makes me mute the radio.