I don't want to forget my ex but everyone tells me I should.

I (m28) could write a novel but I'll try to make it short.

We met in another country on the other side of the planet. He (29m) from there, I was in my last year of my degree planning to come back to Europe after. We still dated, fell in love, and head over heels got together. We had 7 months left at that time.

I'm an extrovert and what I love the most is to have my boyfriend and my friends around me and everyone being happy on a trip or other social event. I would say I'm mature, I have goals, a rough life plan, experience in many things, managed to work toward more self confidence within the last decade, and generally feel like I got my life in my hands.

He's an introvert and got ADHD. During the relationship, he wanted to spend time mainly with me and felt left behind when I spent time with other friends. I see him as a bit immature and childish, less experienced and with less of a "big plan". This was the major issue, and kind of the only issue.

Everything else was so great. We were into each other physically and romantically. So it worked for 7 months. He was basically ready for me to somehow take him with me, to make a plan to make this work across continents. But I couldn't deal with my fear of him becoming too dependent on me. The fear of all the heavy lifting in making this work in my home country to be done by me. With him just being the lost cute guy getting dragged along, even though he wouldn't have minded. He studied IT so could've found a job pretty much anywhere or work remote. But I just got so scared of it all becoming a daddy/baby dynamic.

I was very upfront about all of this. We had really good communication (at least when texting, he couldn't voice his points very well when talking) so there was 100% honesty. He knew about my doubts, and the plans for a life together seemed postponed.

In the end I just ended up leaving without a clear cut. The relationship officially ended at the airport. It was the hardest goodbye ever. I've never cried so much, and I've never seen him cry so much. But we stayed in contact. I have to fly back to his country for 3 weeks in October for my defense and graduation. We promised each other at the airport to meet again then, albeit not as official boyfriends.

There was so much love, and I continue to be super attracted to him. It was my second relationship and his first, so maybe that's why it feels particularly different.

Then everything crumbled. Two weeks ago — about a month after my departure — he told me that he needed to get over me to protect his mental health. I had been ready to stay in contact, see where it all goes, see if maybe he wants to come to Europe with his own plans rather than just "attached" to me so we could rebuild this relationship at eye level. Even if we end up with less and less contact, it'd be natural, not forced. But he said that while he does really want me in his life, he's struggling with his feelings for me due to the distance and that it'd be unfair to any guy that he might meet once he's dating again, so in order to build a friendship he wants to go no contact for a couple of months to basically get over me.

All of this makes a lot of sense to me rationally. And I fully respect his decision and admire him for taking good care of his mental health. All my friends tell me to do the same.

But I don't wanna get over him. Why would I deprive myself of any input from someone I love? (He deliberately didn't block me anywhere because it was "for me to decide how to deal with that" so I can see his social media. I watch his stories every day, multiple times. I also think he knows. I'm even in his "close friends" on IG.)

People tell me to think about the bad features of him, to distract myself, mute his socials yadayadayada, all the classic strategies for forgetting one's ex. But I don't want that. I wanna live in the illusion that he'll end up coming to Europe. He actually had some rough plans for a stipend to study somewhere here. I'm clinging to the idea that he just magically "grows up" a bit more in the months to come, and comes here, and we can be together again. (Yes, Europe is a village.)

I know from common friends that he's struggling to forget me too. I'm not even sure how hard he's trying, he recently sent a follow request to another common friend of ours who lives here in my country. Why would he actively seek contact to my friends here if he's trying to get me out of his head?

Of course, I'm respecting his decision to go no contact, but some days it's so hard not to just call him and pour my heart out. Also when I'm there in October, hanging out with common friends, going to places he'd go, I'm not sure how the no contact thing would work. I wanna see him so bad, but then I'd disrespect his wish for no contact, and make it all so much harder for him if he wants to stick to forgetting me.

What on earth can I do? I want him to come around on his own, make his own decisions, be responsible for his life rather than depending on me, which means I have to let go and let him deal with his own situation. But as long as I continue with that hope of a shared future, I just can't get over him. I'm not ready to let go of him, to start doing everything to push him out of my mind when I want him right there.