May have the option of taking the dogs - should I?

tl;dr - may have the option of taking the dogs, but worried

Ever since we had kids, STBXW has had a short temper with our dogs, rarely walks them, doesn't go out of her way to get their food, and doesn't really do anything with them at all. With two under three I must admit I don't do a huge amount either, but more than her.

STBXW moved out of the marital bedroom into her office a few days ago - one night I was out late and I came home to find she'd put the dogs in 'my' bedroom. Last night she said 'are you going to take the dogs upstairs?' when I told her I was settling down for the night.

These are dogs she brought into the relationship and I wouldn't demand them in any way, but I have a feeling she's distancing herself from them emotionally and I wonder if she's going to offer that I have them, and I want an answer ready.

Part of me immediately wants to jump at this - one of the dogs is my little furry soulmate, and is a huge comfort to be with during this time of separation. The idea of companions who will be with me through thick and thin is wonderful. I know what I stand to gain, but I don't know what I stand to lose...

That said, I also recognise that it would make life even more complicated. I said to myself (before this was an option) that I would wait a while and if I still wanted a dog after six months or a year, I'd get one - but in the meantime it would leave me with no commitments at home when I didn't have my girls, and an opportunity to get out and about without organising a walker/sitter/kennel. My parents live abroad quite a lot of the year, and being able to visit them and take the girls with me without an extra £1000 kennel fee every time, as would the flexibility to take the girls out on day trips. It would be nice to know if in a year's time I went on a date and I hit it off, I'd not have to by default ensure I'm home to let the dogs out, etc.

I don't know how these ideas match up in reality and I would appreciate any thoughts or advice, or anecdotes.

Posted Sep 14, 2025, 1:44 PM UTC

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