Depression episode jump-started by having a fun time

doesn't include any spoilers for the movie btw

Yesterday I got high and went to watch the Demon Slayer movie and it was great! So great that I feel miserable having to continue my regular life instead of being in some reality with all the characters. It doesn't help that I've been breaking out in acne because I wasn't showering regularly so my face that I worked so hard to clear up was back to looking poor in quality. I also wasn't able to wear clothes that I felt 100% comfy in because my dryer is currently broken so although the movie was an amazing escape, reality hit hard once the end credits started rolling and I went back to feeling ugly. I even put on some subtle eyeshadow and mascara before I left my house but once the movie ended and I went to the bathroom to freshen up, I just looked so awful. I wanted to change my clothes and hair, maybe put more makeup on but I chose to ignore it to continue hanging out with my friend and her brother. We went to eat after and took some photos of our food and us together for memories but when my friend showed me the pictures, I still looked so ugly. What's the point in anything if every few days I end up depressed because of my looks or because of some other thing? I try to not let my thoughts get to me but it physically hurts to tell myself that I'm pretty when I feel otherwise. It doesn't help that I'm interested in LOA so now I'm wondering how I went from being so pretty at the beginning of this week to looking like a troll despite my efforts of keeping my thoughts at bay. I want to sleep for all of eternity. Demon Slayer was honestly so fun for me to watch, I think I ended up attaching myself to the characters. I love their personalities and the artstyle but coming back home to basically myself just made me feel so lonely. I want to FEEL myself connect to someone like I do with the characters. I want to actually look forward to waking up the next day knowing that I have achieved such a deep connection. I have so much I could pick apart about myself too, I'm too tall, I'm close to being underweight but I still look big, my hair is so hard to manage, I'm never doing enough, I can't even go one day without taking 4+ different medications or I'll get even more depressed, my college classes start tomorrow and I fucked up the skin on my face, my shoes are ugly, I haven't done laundry in forever. I'm just never doing enough but it's so hard to do more. I don't like anything and I don't have money but I'm somehow supposed to be achieving something everyday. Even if I'm allowed to start small, it's like I'm doing the bare minimum. Like I'm some kind of loser who can't do anything. I want excuses but I don't deserve them. I want to be praised for trying but I'm just seeking attention. I could be so much more but nothing interests me so I don't try but then I get mad at myself for not trying. The Demon Slayer characters don't have these problems. They're all so pretty and strong, if I was a character there, I would be satisfied with the most basic life. I wouldn't even want to fight, just put me in a village somewhere and I'll be good.

Anyways, I would rate the movie a 9/10. Definitely go see it if you've been involved in the manga at some point.