Toxic households

I just want to get this off my chest. I’ve been trying to not relapse and accept that I’ve been growing into an adult body. As someone who grew up skinny and in an Asian household, I’ve always been told to “eat more” or “you should model, you have the body for it”. Every family gathering and every meal time there was barely any hi or hello before you get greeted with “You gained weight” “You should eat more” “You should eat less”.

It doesn’t help that even among friends it’s also normal to be so open abt weight. It’s like you never escape it. During the pandemic, everything kind of shifted. Everyone kept complaining abt gaining weight by then and a sick part of me was happy bc it lessened our stupid culture of talking abt weight as if it’s as normal as the weather. At the very least ppl were more conscious of how they talked abt others’ bodies and how they eat.

These days, my old clothes haven’t been fitting and most of the clothes available on shopping stores online are just triggering in that they use China sizing wherein a medium is a 3XL. I often had spats with my mother until I rlly had a look at my big closet of clothes and realized most of them were from when I was still 13/14 to 16 and that I’m now 22, my adult years having faded on me because of the pandemic.

I’m currently trying to still eat as much as a normal person I think would while exercising, not thinking abt burning off every calorie I took in or thinking abt how much calories every meal has or how I would look or fit in clothes. It’s hard esp that I’m keeping it from my family but I rlly needed this out.