I miss being submissive

I met a few men in my life that immediately made me feel small, in a good way. They’d use me to please them and take care of me after. I’d get to lay at their feet and curl up in a ball and they’d be proud for me being a good girl.

Then I met my husband. He was so caring and loving and he’d also like to use me. That changed when our relationship evolved. He is still as caring and loving but using me doesn’t feel ‘right’ to him any more.

So I put that side of me in the fridge, which worked well enough for about 12 years or so.

Something changed lately. He suggested maybe we’d open up our relationship. Wed tried before but he had trouble opening up about his contacts and that is a must for me. It makes me insanely horny and it makes sure I don’t worry about him leaving me for her. Knowing enough about their contact helps.

Ever since he suggested that something changed in me and I just want to be pulled to the floor by my hair and used in every way possible. He is in contact with a woman, but hasn’t seen her (yet) she really wants to, but I think he might be a bit insecure about it.

I am in contact with someone too, but my husband doesn’t want me to meet them. He feels like they only want to fuck me (which, duh, that’s what I want. I don’t need a relationship, I have you for that! I need to be able to trust the guy and talk to him over a cup of coffee, but that’s it..) I don’t know why exactly, I know it’s not the same for him as it is for me, he doesn’t get turned on by the idea that I’m being used by someone else. I do get turned on by the idea of him using someone else…

I just know I don’t know what to do with myself. My husband doesn’t want to use me like that and I have no idea how to handle myself.

I’m not gonna do anything against his wishes, but if he doesn’t come around, I’ll have to put that side of me back into the fridge and I really don’t want to anymore.