Do you think I'm a SP6?

Hey, y'all! I'll be telling my experiences and be vulnerable for a moment and see if y'all see the same way as me being SP6. If it's too long, I suggest copy pasting the whole thing to an A.I. to make it short, concise and summarized

The tags or flair can be for fun for others too btw!

(Disclaimer: Kind of disorganized and messy and may contain errors.)

Feel free to correct me anyhow!

Why I am SP6:

1.) I was taken care of by my family when I was very young. Felt warm, cared for and felt like I shouldn't let them go. They suggested making me go to the nursery. I was terrified of letting them go. So, they insisted on keeping me until it was until kindergarten.

During the first day of kindergarten, I was already scared about the new environment. My mother left, leaving me and my sister alone in elementary school. My sister brought me to the kindergarten area. I was clinging to her, not knowing what to do.

My sister finally let go of her hand, I was so scared, I felt like I was about to cry. I was stunned, speechless, as I saw them slowly walking away. I was trying to reach out for her, but I couldn't do anything.

2.) I had a fear of failing in games. Playing adventure and survival games while I was 2 years old, I was into playing with the computer quite a lot, which also made me careless and was accused for causing destruction in gadgets. Like in PVZ, the sudden change in music, sudden change of music turning something sinister, I was afraid of witnessing it again and trying my best not to fail. For the destroying gadgets one, yes, I was scolded and now I end up being the most careful now, haha. I'm also quite afraid of taking selfies nearby risky areas like heights or bodies of water because I was afraid because it was expensive and my family afforded quite a lot from that.

3.) Became self-aware to the point I see logical reasonings that my friends were using me for their benefit before they betrayed me. This worsened my view in friendships. I was fully trusting, but after elementary, they turned their back on me.

I connected all the dots. It totally makes sense. They did use me. Their kindness was out of pity or at least for survival. I was devastated, disappointed, angry! and... I was also guilty of it somehow.

4.) "Friends"... I thought for sure that was necessary... just to end up being disappointed, betrayed, and lied upon all over again. I was highly reliant on that idea too... "Friends" means everything to me... but, they ruined it. I then realized, I consider them as my friends, but they never really saw me as their friend back... Excluding the most trusted ones I stumbled upon of course. I love them.

5.) Became self-aware and anxious. I need protection from both, emotional and physical. I need others, even strangers or at least the ones who are willing to share their knowledge from an environment that is still new to me. I needed their protection, but at the same time, I need to run away and avoid them as protection. It's a tug of war, wanting protection, but at the same wanting freedom and uncontrolled by those hidden enemies that are yet for me to discover.

6.) Since then, I was struggling in school. I became more doubtful, now becoming more shameful and guilty of myself. To the point I was too afraid of committing as I see the horrible consequences of going further, that I believe were real. I slowly destroyed myself, whilst not exposing my real feelings onto my family, which I care most, and don't want to burden them as I've already burdened them a ton.

7.) Instead of revealing my true feelings and struggles to my parents (I love my mother, but she exposes my secrets too quickly to strangers I hate it), I expose it to my beloved close friends. I end up trauma dumping them a bit, oops, I think I also had a SP6 close friend that time too. She tends to play with it and acts like we should plan on our suicidal attempt something haha! Of course this was all a joke, but for me, I do crave for it sometimes.

8.) When I was depressed during my 13th birthday, yes, I was silent. But, I realized the people around me tried their hardest to make my day special, even though I'm guilty for everything. Why am I living when I can't pay back the kindness of others? I feel useless, clueless, and not knowing how to pay them back. They've helped me a lot, yet I can't do anything for them. I felt so guilty, that existing further would burden others. After long years of suppressing my feelings, my emotions, I burst into tears. I couldn't stop my tears when I wanted to stop and not cause unnecessary attention. I always wondered why people would be so nice to someone helpless, useless and selfish as me? I just couldn't understand why they were acting like that. I didn't offer accepting their kindness and assurance, because I never believed I deserved it. Yet, still, it's only my tears that were exposed, not directly stating as to why I was crying. My parents immediately came to help me thinking I didn't get what I wanted, but it wasn't that at all haha. I was just happy... too happy, yet still feeling guilty and undeserving for how amazing the people around me could be sometimes.

9.) Well, it just seems like I go from love, to hate of people, things, animals and events. I suppose it depends if I need them or not? If so, this is selfish behavior.

10.) Sometimes, if I don't care about something, I usually don't mind failing. Though, I was afraid of how others would react and might even go against me if I fail.

11.) I tend to cling to routine and comfort as if it was my last life. It acts as a distraction for me, or like feeling I need to do something else rather perfectly so I would feel like I'm doing something necessary, but I wasn't. If I lose it, I just lose my mind and my mind becomes aware that things are dangerous and overwhelming.

12.) I'm willing to actually give something back towards people that saved me and protected me while I was struggling. I'm planning to do so in the future, I just hope I can handle it.

13.) When I was depressed, I couldn't control my body and for some reason it yearns to kill itself. I was immediately stopped when my mind suggested a picture of my mother, which I idealized a lot. She was strong, even from her past, and kept smiling, even when our family is falling apart, financially and emotionally... I broke down to tears again. It just indicates I was truly gonna die, but my mind refuses and resisted through one meaningful last image to keep on going.

14.) All this time, what motivated me was to keep going and protect her. She may have said very hurtful words that stinged me in the past that also impacted me to who I am, just means that I truly care for her. Although we have our agreements and disagreements, I love her in anyway. I was scared of letting her be close to the road, and I would be the one protecting her. She has his preferences that are out of touch from mine, but a lot of it is very valuable, valid, reasonable and meaningful, for both me and her. Whenever she's angry, I would try my best to comply, although sometimes I would end up being angry the same, I would NEVER expect myself to hurt my beloved mother physically, NEVER. Thus, I would see any sort of logical reasoning as to why she's acting that way, rationalizing it myself to see value and meaning within her as I love her. I was really glad though I was alone that time or it would've been quite embarrassing and nevertheless burdening others.

15.) I was also trying my best to mimic her behavior. Her being kind to everyone, I wanted to do the same. Her drawing and seeing how she responds to others, I end up doing the same way.

16.) I remember being afraid of being alone in bed and that I transferred to my parents' bed. I ended up lying that I was sweating because it was hot, but because I needed my family's presence so I could sleep peacefully.

17.) I also remember being afraid of Slendrina. My sister left me alone to go outside for something else. I was left alone in the house, staring at the most scary place I always believed, the bathroom, as it had no lightbulbs or switches involved. I was jumpscared by my own mind and left the house as far as I could. I eventually became tired and exhausted looking for my father's presence, and assumed he would go somewhere I knew.

18.) I enjoy solving math problems since elementary a lot. I was often said to be the smartest. Well, usually I was interested because of the numbers. Eventually, once I got older, there were new things being added in Math, such as variables. I was confused because of this sudden change. I always thought of myself, "Why are there letters in Math?". I was now doubtful, and couldn't bare to see another and unknown concept to me, which I wasn't used to.

19.) I realized I might be gay since elementary.

I had a used-to-be close friend from school who was friendly and outgoing, also often visiting our home without even asking. Though it may seem like trespassing, but I often enjoyed his presence and company. I emded up visiting his, too.

Eventually, he wouldn't be embarrassed about exposing himself half-naked. I would move away, somehow aroused. I just thought he looked good, haha...

Another event was in highschool. A classmate of mine was handsome (for me of course) sat beside me. I was initially shocked, but I usually stayed quiet and maintained my composure. When he sits next to me, I would feel my heart beating fast gradually.

I was really quiet in highschool, unlike in elementary. Due to major changes of my perspective of people, I often don't trust others but also need their assurance, their support for myself to survive in that environment. Because of my trauma and past, I ended up being unable to act on things as I was afraid. I end up not doing anything at all anyway, and acted nonchalant all the time. So whenever he's around, I would still act normal, but I can't help but struggle sometimes.

So, why does this indicate as SP6?

I thought to myself, "No! I shouldn't fall for a guy! Never! There must be some sort of ugliness from him that'll make me disgust him and eventually get rid of these feelings of mine!"

It is said the the SP6, or e6 in general, usually demonizes the threat when threatened.

In my mind, I would believe a person would be "Fake", "Selfish", "Manipulative", "Scary", anything that involves describing someone or something negative for example. It's basically a defense mechanism, when I felt like struggling.

This happened in one school day, when my teacher said to "Choose a partner" for a dyad activity. Yes, I was afraid because I don't know what to do. That crush of mine was my closest seatmate, but we usually don't talk a lot often. He left me for someone else, which made me absolutely disappointed. I accused and viewed him as "Selfish".

Then, days after, I was able to make normal and casual talk from him, without being overwhelmed by my inner feelings. I was actually relieved that my way of processing my feelings actually worked, although it is quite unhealthy and potentially cause harm and misunderstandings...

20.) One time I felt obligated to help struggling classmates who seem lonely. I couldn't stop myself to help them despite being alone and lonely too. Usually, I prefer solitude, but yes, I am lonely and needing friends and comfort but I didn't actually know what to do.

I approached a classmate of mine who was lonely and drew art alone. Yet again, I'm quiet and reserved, but I can't stand it so I needed to make sure that classmate is doing well. and make them feel seen. I would also resent other classmates for acting selfish, ignorant and insensitive as they were not helping him.

Then, I came, it felt like I was actually forced but I couldn't help it. I was quiet yet I managed to get off the same seat I was comfortable with. I was afraid of being seen and caught as seeking attention. I didn't like attention or eyes on me. I noticed other classmate did but I focused on the lonely one instead to cope.

"Hey there! What are you drawing?" - Me with forced fake image just to make that classmate feel seen and valued as I cannot bear to see him suffer. This totally opposes my quiet behavior on others, but I would like to fake myself towards people who need assurance (because I myself need it too...).

I wasn't really expecting him to call for me and to sit next to him, but I was... happy. Years go by, I managed to be good friends with him, yet still we had times that I was quiet and isolated from him although we sit next to each other on higher grade levels, on the end, I was happy he protected me and I wanted to give gifts and quality time just for him too. We became closest of friends, even though I knew it's just temporary, and only on the part of my highschool years...

21.) I have a natural distrust of cars. I usually observe my surroundings for hidden people, such as familiar people I know but I wouldn't know how to respond to them if I ever passed by and noticed by them. I have a distrust of cars usually because they're hidden. I want to acknowledge the u truth within those things, because there are some certainties that my friends or familiar people are there and might've noticed me along the way without letting myself know.

22.) Before, I was suggested by my parents and friends on what I should be. They'd suggest I would be a doctor, computer engineer, teacher/superintendent... eventually this made me kind of raised my ego in what I do. If I did good at something, maybe, I thought that could relate with a specific job I could apply for. This led me to think I could pursue multiple jobs at once, or even involved other difficult jobs like scientist and biologist for my own.

When I was still in elementary (usually after graduation for preparation for the future), I tried to search about my future jobs and looked it on Google. Then, I was distraught as I saw how difficult and complex the jobs were, based on judging the images shown of those jobs. I tried every single thought I could have in my mind, but nothing ever worked out.

This lead me to think that life is difficult and that I don't know what to do. I felt helpless, clueless, and useless for my loved ones if I don't do things properly.

Now, though, I realize that I was jumping to conclusions rather quickly and didn't trust myself in my knowledge to achieve those jobs. I didn't think about, "Oh, I'll go through teachings from better people so I can do it properly!". I became relieved due to this, but of course, I would still choose the best option in taking a job, involving both personal enjoyment of that job and financial resources for myself and especially my loved ones. I'm still have plenty of options open, but it will take a long time for me to actually find the right one for the job.

I think this scenario could be me integrating into a 9, which I don't have to be afraid and just trust myself along the way. Although, this is just partially as it is directed towards myself. I still don't trust other people 🤪.

23.) I managed to help my sister who has anger issues and does so irrationally. Unlike my family, such as parents and other siblings, they would go against her. I decided to help her out.

Next day, I would need help from her when I needed it. She only lashed out on me without reason. I was disappointed, and was no longer kind to her because of how inconsistent she always acts. (Would you say this part seems like I needed security and protection, after I bonded and protected my sister through kindness and empathy?)

24.) Although I do enjoy being told what to do when I'm bored or doing nothing at all, I may end up procrastinating and lazing around due to my loss of interest in the longer run in activities or being driven or distracted by other activities or interests I stumble that feel more satisfying to me, making myself irresponsible and guilty all over again. This then I thought I believed I shouldn't be on the responsible sides of work or tasks in order not to cause more trouble, so I wouldn't repeat the same mistakes ever again.

25.) My parents often say that I was afraid of the first teacher I met. I would rush to my mother, who was also a member of the school but handles something else. "Mom! Teacher hurt me!", my young self said while clinging to her. Then I was brought back again, still scared because I couldn't write properly. When I did, however, my kindergarten teacher was surprised that I had the best handwriting among most of my classmates. I was initially confused, since the teacher's response was different from what I expected, I was expecting myself to fail again, but somehow I got it right.

26.) Usually, I would often be involved in contests, not really caring about it at first especially during practice. However, during the final performance, I end up, rather panicking, stuttering, and confused. Such contests involve story reading, or even go in front of the stage to sing or say a speech, which is terrifying to think of.

EXTRA:

Also! This could ACTUALLY be a SP6 or E6 trait too.

I tend to see value and significance of typology such as enneagram so I would be able to know others well, like their actions and motivations, so I would be able to understand then better. Plus, my reasons why I want to understand them is to ensure I would be able to make things consistent and going smoothly so there wouldn't be any inconsistencies as to why others act that way, or how and why others misinterpret things as they could be viewing it differently and possibly correlating it with their own personality and overall person development and personal growth.

My way of using this could be strategic, but I only use this information for my own and not for others as it is risky to do so (Typology might traumatize then, scare them, burden them, etc...). So I try my best to keep things lowkey and well-maintained. Plus, I don't like it when newcomer would end up with learning stereotypes and surface level information of Typology, so it's only safer to keep this from myself (it seems like I'm the only person in my environment to know this system actually, hehe).

So, why am I SP6 when it comes to liking or using Typology?

It's not about fun, but rather it is a tool for daily life for me. It can be used everywhere I go when I see someone I need or want kr at least for fun, to analyze with.

As from the SP6 description from the wiki, "... ensures to align themselves with others by befriending them and to ensure they won't lash out" + their reasons to do so is to have a stable and safe environment, so needing assurance such as stability, predictability and organization of thoughts are necessary and an absolute need for them, such as me.

CONCLUSION:

Anyway, I think that concludes my story that could actually align with SP6.

Some aren't really explained as to why it associates with SP6.

If you're wondering why I'm being too exposing as an SP6 to share this kind of information, I just needed clarifications whether I do truly fit within this subtype, their passions, motivations, fears, defense mechanisms, etc. Plus, you all don't really know me or where I am so I'm safe, hehe (unless there's a hacker of some sort, but please don't exist HAHA).

If this is necessary, I am a 649.

My distrustful nature and also paired with high self-awareness + imagination + sometimes feeling different and needing to be unique (4) and laxness + laziness + procrastination (9)

My 4 fix might've cause me to actually ruin my life. Self-awareness and curiosity can sometimes be dangerous folks!

(Do I actually fit as a SP6 though? I'm never so sure of myself, until I'm satisfied.)