don’t know if I’ll ever get over losing my dad

I cut ties with my dad about three years ago and I have become an exponentially happier person since and I do not regret it at all. 95% of the time I am so glad that he is out of my life but sometimes I just get hit with so much grief about the fact that I don’t have a father anymore and this huge chunk of my childhood is tainted with a cloud of sadness. Sometimes it feels like he died. He wasn’t always terrible and he gave me some great qualities that I’m proud of today and we had some really fun experiences but most of the time he was controlling and mean and manipulative. Some of the songs and movies that used to make me so happy because we would share them and laugh together now make me feel broken. I don’t know that I’ll ever feel truly happy