I feel like we’re ostracizing her

My younger sister has been diagnosed with severe bipolar 1 for about 17 years now.

All of the pain, violence, trauma, ruined opportunities of my life…I’m just starting to come to grips now.

Her 1st manic episode when I was 20 (she was 18), she disappeared for 2 days & we couldn’t find her. The only reason that we didn’t file a missing persons report is because a lot of friends & some family were saying they saw her at community events & she was really off, so we figured she was partying hard or something & we had to keep looking. (Like a year before this, my Mom found all empty liquor bottles in her closet & she was running with a damaged crew, so we knew it was more of a family than police matter).

Found her because her friend called all scared, the friend was afraid that she was “telling on her”. I had college finals the next day & it was just so bad. People were laughing at her behind some scummy donut shop. I embarrassed myself yelling at them for making fun of her & then when I tried to get her in the car, she ripped the hair out of my head so hard, I thought I was bleeding. Took her home & my Mom was at a loss & we took her to the hospital & that’s when this nightmare began.

My husband & I started dating when I was 15 but were broken up for 5 years between 20-25, so he saw my sister before & a little after.

Fast forward to today…a lot of turmoil, fear, abuse & worry has happened. I accepted it all & always was her #1 advocate, to the point where I even have enemies now. I just always accepted it, but now that we have a 4 year old son, things are different. We moved 2 hours away.

This latest mania was the worse. They just keep getting worse. She got with a felon she was talking to throughout prison. He took thousands of dollars from her when she was in there. I feel like some money trafficking was involved. She was 302’d once by the police & then once by family within 3 weeks.

During this latest mania, she turned against me for the first time. I told that boy to stay away from her after she went insane on me one night (after leaving his house). Like screaming & threatening to drive 2 hours to my house. & so I figured he gave her something & made her that insane (cause she was semi-stable an hour beforehand).

Huge mistake, wish I didn’t cause now, for the 1st time, she has gone nuclear on me & my husband. Talking non-stop crazy trash about him, trying to tell my family I’m on drugs (I’m not, it’s not even possible but I think believable in some way cause I’m naturally super skinny & she knows it’s an insecurity of mine), trying to spread rumors online that I’m having affairs with their husbands (again, ew & literally impossible, they were mad to even be bothered with something so dumb) telling painful secrets from my youth to everyone in the family, telling embarrassing stuff about me online, telling an abuser that I never confronted & managed to forgive without an apology that I told her & our Mom what happened.

The worst part is, she made a threat to come to our house & torture/murder me in front of my husband. He is very upset by it & can’t forgive it. I told him I’m not afraid of her, but he’s so disturbed because of our son & what he may witness & because I’m his wife & this coming from someone that already almost attacked me for literally no reason while I was pregnant before (I started crying & calling family to help me & she stopped).

Next spring, my Dad is planning to pay for this huge Disney trip for his daughters & family. (I have an older half-sister). My husband refuses to allow him or our son to go if she’s there. This is the angriest & most unwavering that I’ve ever seen him before, after 20 years of being with/loving him. While I 100% understand where he’s coming from, I just feel so bad to have this situation?

My Dad lost his brother recently & wants to do this one big thing for his daughters & grandkids “before he goes”. I said to him tonight that I just can’t forgive or be around my sister & he said he understands & then she can’t go. But I don’t want this ultimatum at all. I don’t want her to be ostracized ever. I just wish she could take accountability & apologize & want to make her life better again? I feel so guilty both ways. But my husband is right, my son is forming core memories & we can’t risk her hurting me or ruining Disney becoming his first one. Any advice??