Heart break & rejection - will getting hit by a train be painful or would I not feel the impact?

I’m tired of loving people that never love me back or feel deep enough to truly choose me. It’s made me significantly depressed, through out my years in life, and this last one I can barely deal with. My heart is hollow, I feel empty, I smile at work and laugh with my coworkers and try to stay in the moment but as soon as I’m alone I’m thinking about how bad I just wish I was gone and haven’t had the courage to kms in a way that won’t hurt or won’t be a 50/50 chance that I’ll still survive then regret it even more. I’m thinking about driving my car to the train tracks, once a train is coming I’ll ignore the signs and just drive onto the track and wait for it to hit me as I know it’s my last moments here. Just hoping it would destroy me to the point where my brain wouldn’t even register the pain everything would just go black and “i”, this consciousness and body will not exist anymore. No more pain.

I am always by default so fucking sad.