Me and My Friends Catfished the Guy We Don’t Like Very Much

I know that we will sound really toxic in this story and we kinda are, but remember this was just for fun. And was completely a joke. Also most likely no one will see this.

I (14F) went to my (15F) friend’s birthday party with some of our other friends (14-15F). It started out like a normal birthday party, then we started talking about the people we hate. This guy, that we’ll call Henry (we’re giving him a really basic name), who is fine, but we all don’t like very much for many reasons. He became the topic and I got the amazing idea to text him since we know his number but he doesn’t know any of ours. We started out just texting him his address, a picture of his house from google earth, and his full name. Like any normal person he wanted to know who was texting him. Instead of telling him we sent a picture of a wedding dress we thought was pretty and a venue we thought was pretty. Then said they were for our wedding in two weeks and our name was Jeff. Henry thought we might have the wrong number because he wasn’t going to any weddings. We then told him we’ve been engaged for two and a half years. He asked how old we thought he was. So we told him his exact date of birth. Don’t ask how we know all these things. Then he asked how old we were. So we decided to be 17. Henry said he didn’t know any 17 year olds named Jeff and he was into guys. We told him he liked old white men (a joke from middle school) and we like half blondes (he’s naturally blonde he just bleached his hair over the summer). His response was, this is a direct quote, “I’m naturally blonde. How dare you. You should know this if we are engaged.” At this point we were surprised he was still responding and playing along. So we told him about the haircut he got over the summer, a bleached buzz (which does not look as good as his hair used to). He then started talking about how his hair was longer over the summer and we should have known that if we’re engaged. So we told him we missed how his hair used to be, which is completely true because we think his hair looks silly now. Then he asked for us to send a picture of him from before this summer. So we sent him his 8th grade yearbook photo and told him to try and find a picture of us. He just said he didn’t know who we were. And he actually started thinking about how old we would have to be to have that yearbook and concluded we aren’t actually 17. We just gaslit him and sent him his 5th grade yearbook photo. So he asked if we went to the same elementary school as him. We said no, which was true for some of us but a lie for others. Henry said since we were engaged he should have a picture of us. So we sent him a picture of one of the guys I follow on TikTok. Then he used a bunch of words or abbreviations we didn’t understand (Lthn and hmtn, plz tell me what those mean). Our response was asking him if he thinks we’re hot. And he said he could point out a bunch of flaws, like unbalanced facial thirds, an asymmetrical eye area, bad upper eyelid exposure (which is a rude thing to say to someone you’re engaged to). Then he asked for our side profile. We spent like a while looking for a side profile. And when we gave it to him he complained about it being a 3/4 profile. But shouldn’t he know our side profile since we’ve been engaged for the past two and a half years? Then he asked who we actually are. We had finally found an actual side profile so we sent that and decided our full name was going to be Jeffery Ryan Fernando and asked if he thought we were hot now. He said 6. So we responded with the only acceptable answer 7. Then he said he meant we were a 5 or 6 and that 6 was high (It just shows that he has no taste because we all thought the guy we used was so hot). We then said “You’re a nine but I’m the one you need” (one of the cringiest pick up lines ever). Henry said he was a 7, but I feel like he’s lying to himself. He also sent a picture of some guy who looks suspiciously similar to him and said this guy was a 9. We took that as meaning he does like guys. But he tried to claim he was recognizing that the guy was attractive, not saying he was hot. Attractive and hot are like the same thing though and we told him that. He tried to disagree, but in the end we got him to agree with us. We told him that’s why we loved him since he always agreed with us. Then we sent him a pic of the guy we were using to catfish him at the beach and said this was us when we were at the beach with Jacob (remember Jacob she’s important). He then called our jaw asymmetrical and boneless asf too. We told him at least we actually have a jawline and then we called him a boneless skinny queen. Henry sent a picture of his face showing off his jawline (it looked more asymmetrical than ours). But we still told him to serve it up, because we’re nice. He told us our eye area and hair are the only things we have on him, but earlier he literally said we have an asymmetrical eye area and bad upper eyelid exposure whatever that means. And again we took that as calling us hot. But he said we were mtn with no potential (someone plz tell me what mtn means because we searched it up and google said it had to do with being trans?). So we just said “Are you calling me gay because I’m gay for you bbg”. Henry said that we look average (but the guy we were using to catfish him is definitely above average). We decided to be mean so we told him he looks like someone scraped him off the bottom of a shoe. He then clapped back by saying we looked like someone pulled our face apart. But we were just joking so we didn’t understand why he was mad. Then he said he was breaking up with us. So we started begging him to stay because we already booked the venue. He didn’t even care! We told him the only way we can get our trust fund is if we marry him and that we’re going to share finances. Henry was upset about the fact we were only dating him for the money (valid). We started begging him to stay, then we accused him of cheating. His response was to say “We done pea brain”. What kind of insult is that? We decided he’s not breaking up with us, we’re breaking up with him. Henry then sent a screen shot showing he broke up with us first. But we kept claiming that we broke up with him first. Then he called us a bunch of really unkind things that we will not be repeating. So we took a screen shot of our messages and edited them to show we broke up with him first and sent that. He asked us why we were arguing about who broke up first when we literally begged him to stay, then he called us an idiot. We just told him we’re crazy in love with him (we aren’t). He said okay brochacho. Brochacho? Who even says that?

Now do you remember Jacob, Jeff’s friend? She’s important now. Using a new person's number we asked if Henry had broken up with Jeff yet. He said yeah and that he didn’t know us either. We’re clearly Jacob, Jeff’s best friend, though. We told him that Jeff had been texting us nonstop. Henry wanted to know what Jeff was saying about him. So we said that Jeff thinks Henry had been cheating on him, but Jeff makes stuff up and is crazy. Henry said that he literally just met Jeff today and that he got sent his full name and pictures of his house. We pretended to be surprised, and called Jeff toxic, because he once called us fat. Henry literally asked if we are fat. Is that something you should ask a random person you just met? No. So we just said no. He said Jeff was mean then. If we said we were fat was he going to agree with Jeff?

Now we’re introducing a third character, Jasmine, who we pictured as a redhead. So Jasmine was all like “How DARE you break up with Jeff! We all knew you were cheating on him with Jacob, she’s such a hottie!” Henry just said that he met all of us today and that Jeff was weird and abusive and that Jacob didn’t care. He actually said it was like a Reddit story, it is now. We told him Jacob cares more than he thinks. Henry’s exact words are, “Well how big is his wiener. Cuz if its over 8 he cares.” Which I think is valid. Then we told him Jacob is actually a girl, but her name is Jacob because her parents really wanted a son so they gave her a guy's name. Henry said it really does Reddit story and asked for a picture of Jacob. So we went on TikTok and found a really pretty blonde and sent a picture of her. Henry said that he had seen her on TikTok before but he gets why he apparently cheated. We said that we would too. I would never cheat on Jeff though he’s perfect. Henry asked who he was talking to. So we said we’re Jasmine, Jacob’s bestie.

Then Henry texted Jacob the picture we said was Jacob asking if that was us. We asked how he got that picture, it would be pretty creepy if somebody just randomly sent you a picture of yourself. He said he got it from Jasmine and that he got why he apparently cheated with us. We pretended to be surprised and asked if Jeff had been spreading lies again. Henry said that Jeff said Henry had been cheating on him with Jacob, which is us right now. So we just called Jeff a psycho (he really is but we love him for it). Henry just agreed with us.

So now we started back up with Jeff. We told Henry we needed to talk. He asked about. But he already knew we were talking about Jacob and told us to start the conversation. We were mad about Henry texting Jacob behind our back. He said since we broke up it shouldn’t matter. But it mattered to us! Henry asked why. It’s obvious that Jeff still loves him though. Henry said that he had moved on. We wanted to know who he moved on to. He said some girl named Maddie (I’m pretty sure he has or at least had a girlfriend who might have been named Maddie). We asked if he took her to Hoco. He said he didn’t go to Hoco and was at home (but I know he did go, he also did a hoco proposal for his girlfriend). We asked what he was doing and he said he was watching TikTok. Then he sent a picture of Maddie. But we’re not sure if it was actually Maddie or some random girl he found a picture of. We tried asking what grade she’s in and he kept avoiding the question. So obviously he had been cheating on Jeff. Henry said he just pulled her really fast. He has zero rizz so he couldn’t have done that. Henry then asked why we thought he cheated if he had zero rizz. We said that Henry said he cheated (he didn’t). He asked when and we didn’t have an answer for that so we said that Jasmine said he did. Henry said that he just told Jasmine he got why he apparently cheated because Jacob is a baddie. We said we love Jacob, but we wanted to know why he cheated. Henry said he didn’t but he got why someone would because we’re insufferable. That was really mean because we decided Jeff was bipolar. All Henry said was that sucks. We said yeah it does but at least we don’t look like him. He said we look like every guy off of Pinterest ever. But how is that an insult? And why is he looking at guys on Pinterest? Just continues to prove he likes old white men. We told him we’re surprised his mom even lets him have Pinterest. He said his mom isn’t around anymore (she’s not dead, his dad just has custody of him) and that his dad doesn’t care what he does. Then he called us a pos.

Henry started talking to Jacob again and called Jeff so toxic. So we asked what Jeff did. Henry said that Jeff said that he was surprised Henry’s mom let him have TikTok and his mom is not around anymore (I think he got confused because we were talking about Pinterest). We just said Jeff was crazy and insensitive. We told Henry that Jeff was only dating him to get his trust fund and Henry said he already knew and that he should’ve gotten with Jacob. So we asked what he looked like since Jeff was being possessive and refused to let us see pics. We also asked if he was ugly. Henry said he hopes not and that he would send some pics. So we were waiting for him to send them. When he did we were really scared to see what he sent, so we had the bravest among us look. They weren’t that bad. This first was of him with his shirt off and flexing. The second was of him in his Hoco fit (more confirmation he did lie about not going to Hoco). The third and final was just a random picture of him in his backyard. So we asked how old he was. Henry told us to guess. We said 12 (he was 14 at this time). Henry said he had a baby face and was actually 15 (which was another lie he turned 15 a few days after this all happened). We told him we were 17 and he said he believed that.

While that was happening we were also texting him as Jasmine. We asked him if he was single and he said yes, another lie. Then he asked what we (Jasmine right now) look like. We went on TikTok and found a red head we liked and said that was us.So we were getting kinda bored so we waited a while before texting him with a new number pretending to be Jacob’s dad asking what Henry’s intentions are. Then as Jasmine we told Henry that Jacob has a really strict dad. We waited for a while and he didn’t respond so we got bored and mass blocked him.

We learned several lessons. Number 1, catfishing people is really fun, especially in groups. Number 2, Henry is a liar. And Number 3, Henry will cheat on you.