Lost girl

I feel so strange posting here because I have never really candidly talked about this with anyone in my life so apologies in advance if this is all over the place. I have felt very alone for a long time. I did not grow up in a healthy home. My parents always fought. My childhood was just filled with them yelling and throwing things at each other. Both sides of my family hated the other so I grew up with no cousins and was very isolated. I was not allowed to talk to my school friends about anything except school and every little bit of my childhood was micromanaged to death. I was mocked a lot for being shy and bookish. I wasn’t allowed to pick my own clothes or decide pretty much anything. Things in my house were very scary. My dad had a gambling problem and my mom tried the best she could. My parents divorced and my dad called me many names and things throughout the process claiming that my mother brainwashed me and that I was mentally unwell. We do not talk anymore except for a few messages back and forth in a month. As an adult I am a few years into my career and I have made myself content with my own company and hobbies. But on my off days I struggle so much with my confidence and finding community. I have tried volunteering and different activities to bond with other Muslim girls but it doesn’t really end up yielding anything. The only time I am talked to is if people need something from me and I feel otherwise forgotten. I invite people over and they are busy and if there is a hangout in a group setting that I am invited to I am usually kept waiting upwards of an hour or used for the ride there and back. I have reached out to estranged family members and they have told me they don’t want to meet or talk to me. I feel sad and alone and really tired of trying so much. I want a girl group and I want to feel like I belong somewhere.