Feeling unsafe in relationship due to poor hinge practices - am I overreacting?

I (42F) have been with my partner (39F) for 2 years practicing polyamory. I've had other partners (none currently), and she's always been supportive. I hinged carefully with lots of communication, which she told me she appreciated.

This is her first serious poly relationship - she's been with Meta (30s?NB) for 1.5 months and it's clearly beautiful. I love seeing her happy.

Three weeks ago, she brought me to her apartment where I noticed Meta's presence everywhere with no prior discussion about shared space changes. Multiple issues hit at once: she'd gotten STI testing with Meta but scheduled sex with me without mentioning results (I had to ask); we've always shared bath towels but no discussion about new protocols; no conversation about sheet washing between partners. When I brought this up, she promised better communication going forward.

Since then, the opposite has happened. She consistently fails to initiate check-ins about integrating this relationship or what poly dynamic we want. Information comes out accidentally with "didn't I tell you that?" instead of intentional communication.

Example: Sitting outside her parents' house, she casually mentioned Meta would meet her parents next week. When I noted it was a big step, she said "oh I thought I told you" then gave shifting explanations - first « she wants to do it before her parents leave for Florida," then "it feels safe now." Later, I learned her parents aren't leaving fo Florida until after/late November, making the urgency excuse feel disingenuous. I'd have preferred honest ownership: "I'm excited about this step and want to introduce them."

She's moving fast (introducing Meta to parents/friends, discussing nesting, saying she wants to have them at her bottom surgery), which I understand is NRE. I just want honest proactive communication to help me adjust. For ex, her phone screensaver means a lot to her and she always has pictures of people she loves on it. She has kept it on this weird picture of a fireplace around me for a while now. So I asked her what that was and to show me her new screensavers. Scrolling through, there was a picture of her and Meta. I said, « Oh! So this is Meta! » and she said «  I haven’t shown you a picture of Meta? ».

I just wish she would be proactive about it, saying something like, « Hey babe, I’ve changed my screensaver to a cute pic of me and Meta. Would you like to see it? They have seen pictures of you, so I thought you might also like to see a picture of them. » That would make me feel thought of and cared for.

Truth be told, it was a really adorbabble picture and Meta sounds lovely.

Regardless, I've felt some jealousy/insecurity, which I think I've managed well and communicated openly. She's been good at reassurance when I bring things up. But it's the avoidance and passivity around hinging that's destroying my trust. I don't feel safe talking to her because it seems like she's hiding things or avoiding conversations.

I told her I feel betrayed and need space, cancelling our plans. But I'm questioning myself - these aren't egregious things, just lots of small signs of lack of care. Am I overreacting or unconsciously looking for reasons to be upset due to jealousy? I might be making her uncomfortable talking about Meta, but she hasn't voiced that - she's just pulled away.

Am I overreacting to this situation? For those in similar situations, what helped? Any advice for moving forward?