Karwa chauth - Year 1 and the never ending fuss about festivals

Mostly venting because I don’t know where can I take this.

I come from a chilled out Punjabi family and I have gotten married to boy who comes from a relatively traditional Baniya family. While growing up, my father made most festivals fun for us so that we looked forward to them and he always told us to not feel pressured into doing something and follow traditions or rituals as much as we are comfortable to do so.

My in laws are quite traditional, they celebrate a lot of festivals, have multiple poojas / traditions across the year. The past 5 months have been a bit of a learning curve for me because every week there’s a ritual. However, it has been smooth for me because ours is a love marriage. My husband is the sweetest and the most understanding person that I know of. His parents are well meaning but at times tend to push a few things that irk me. One of those things is karwa chauth. My in laws expect me to do it. My husband is going to be fasting as well because he doesn’t want me to do this alone. However, I don’t see any point to it at all. If fasting for someone is going to prolong someone’s life, I would do it without blinking an eye for my family and my now late father.

Saying no is not an option because it’s our 1st year after getting married and everything is important. I love my husband and at times I think I wouldn’t have had any issues fasting for him had it not been forced on me.

While I have been able to build boundaries around a lot of things, sometimes it just annoys me that so many things are being introduced in my life like it’s a given and not a choice. In the initial few days that we were living with my in laws, they wanted me to wear bindi, sindoor, toe rings, anklets and other jewellery. I told them that I don’t like all of this. I had to sit through this almost 10 times, before they gave up. At times, they tell me that I look good in saris but I am not even sure if they do mean it or want me change my dressing style completely. I like cleaning and I take pride in how clean my own house is inspite of my demanding job. My mother in law just casually reminded me 3-4 times that how it’s Diwali and thodi bohot safai kar lun main bhi which annoyed me because my house is clean on most days. Now she wants me to fast and not only fast but come to their house and fast because it’s year 1 and there’s a pooja that has to happen. I told her it may be difficult to travel because it’s a Friday and that I have work. And honestly, if I am doing this, I’d rather do it in the peace of my home not surrounded by 2 women telling me that how this remnant of patriarchy is very essential to a married woman’s being.

What’s the point of my education, all the small little things that I do for my husband, all the hard work that I am doing to build a comfortable life for us, if it all boils down to a fast or whether or not I am wearing sindoor, toe rings or bindi. I sometimes think people are okay with people who are willing to perpetuate these meaningless rituals even though the same people make your life hell. Okay with DILs who are greedy or make unpleasant partners for their sons as long as they wear their chooda. Ugh.