I’m a femboy sometimes? NSFW-ish

Hey all, I hope everyone is doing so well. Quick introduction, I’m a 23 y/o straight cis male, or I was/am but only sometimes? Yeah I don’t know lol. So here’s my thing, and I’ll explain how I got there. Basically my thing is that I really want to dress like a cutie and go out as a girl, and kiss cute boys/girls/any pronouns, but still keep my cis heteronormative lifestyle outside of that.

So how I got here. I’ve always been like a pretty hyper sexual person, I’ve hooked up with plenty of women. I consider anyone who says a woman as a woman, so the whole idea that “liking trans girls is gay” never really landed because, anyone can be a woman (it’s all a spectrum). About a year-ish ago I had my first experience with a trans woman (beautiful girl) but when hooking up, it kinda fell flat because neither of us had lube and there was some body dysmorphia stuff happening with her too (totally understandable) so we kind of went our separate ways. But for some reason after that I also wanted to kind of look like her??

I started getting into the MtF porn thing a bit, and still enjoy it. But I also had this craving to blow someone. I did, wasn’t really my thing. But then, I put on a dress and blew someone, which I enjoyed a bit more.

Now, every now and then I’ll buy myself a cute dress to wear alone, but I want to like, go out in public looking cute and bubbly and idk “girlhood” seems fun. Like going out shopping trying on dresses with a bunch of girlfriends and then clubbing and hooking up with a guy sounds so cute. So now where I am, is I want to dress all cutesy, go clubbing, and blow a guy (maybe let him fuck me too? I recently also hooked up with a guy and topped him bc I wanted to know what it was like, and it was okay, but not great)

I think I’m really struggling to want to live two different lifestyles. I really want to jump a little more into my femme side (I call myself Lexie when I dress up) but also really enjoy my cis-male, hetero lifestyle too and wish I can clone myself lol. Anyways, just wondering if there is someone out there who shares this (what I think is probably not super common) identity crisis? I was reading through this subreddit last night and I saw someone comment on someone’s post about women and said “do you want to BE WITH her or BE her” and that is so real lol. Because women are beautiful and I want to be with them but also like I want to be them too sometimes, or be with a woman as a woman? Idk it all is confusing me a bit lol