(sorry for my writing mistakes, english isn't my first language) 

Atp my life is just getting worse. School really fucks up my mental health to a point where my life only consists of school, bedrotting and sleep. And whenever I try to get out of this circle and wanna do something with my friends, they never have time for me.

The thing is, I've got like 3 friends. And all of them have other friend groups outside of school. I don't. And I'm happy for them, but I really feel like they are forgetting me. 

For example, where we live is a really cool event next weekend, and I asked them if we wanna go there together. Only for them to tell me that they've already been planning to go there (only my friends in school, not their other friends). So I asked them if I could join them, but they ghosted me then. This just seems to me like they don't want me to be there and ignore me on purpose. 

And I'm scared it's somehow my fault. I'm scared that I could have done something that upset them without noticing. But whenever I ask them if there is something like this they just ignore me or brush it off. This is especially frightening for me because I've had a friendship end just like this a few months ago when I was in the psych ward. I'm always trying to be nice but I don't always notice when I upset someone because I'm not good at picking up social cues. 

I really feel like I have to vent to someone about all that is going on, and my friends tell me I could always talk to them, but when I actually do they instantly say they don't have time for that. 
Or when I ask them if they got time to meet up after school, they already meet up with their other friends, up to a point where I'd have to ask 3 weeks in advance if they wanna hang out. 

I feel like I have to get new friends because they don't want to spend time with me anymore. The problem is that I'm really introvert/antisocial and not very good at making friends or keeping in touch with others I don't see regularly, cuz I don't have the energy to leave the house or to text them (I don't like small talk and feel like I can't be myself around others because I'm sure they won't like me anymore then). 

Also I have lost every sense of perspective in my life. It just went downwards continuously. I remember how my grades were perfect in elementary school but especially since the pandemic going to school feels impossible. I have no idea if I'll even be able to finish school and what to do after school. 

I really feel like there's something wrong with me and I have no idea what. I don't deserve where I am right now. I feel like a burden, I feel left alone. I can't stand this anymore and I don't know what to do. 


My life is getting worse and idk what to do