I really feel like im not gonna make it [rant]

Hello I am a J1 student from a high-tier jc (ip stream) During this year, I have been barely staying afloat in terms of academics and mentally. Now that promos are happening rn, even when I started revising and preparing a month before, I am nowhere near done my revision because it takes me close to 6-8 hours to revise each chapter (no guarantee that i can even retain the information)

I havent even studied for one of my subject and its tomorrow where i just decided to just totally flunk it. I know i wasnt exactly the hardest worker throughout jc but I felt like I genuinely tried throughout the year.. but idk it just feels like time is really against me. Whenever i feel sad and stressed I cant get things done, throught this entire year ive just feeling really terrible sometimes and that makes me unable to get work done because Im not able to think or function for a few hours at a time (and it happens so much more during this month)

I feel like im not gonna be able to promote because there is just so many things i still cant understand or do. I didnt expect to do well even if im from ip stream but it just feels like its too much when im try to borderline promote to j2 even when im trying to revise dilligently. The thing that keeps me sane and alive is purely based on hope that ill do just fine and make it long enough to finally figure things out, but now that this is happening.. idk anymore.

This entire year has just been a mess for me mentally and academically, at least in secondary school when im depressed i can still slowly catch up but its just not the same in jc anymore. I was already lowk not ok in both aspects in secondary school but when i entered jc this problem got exemplified by like a 100x. Time is simply against me when I have to be mentally there and remember all the content, and i dont have that luxury.

I dont want to call myself depressed or suicidal, but sometimes really stressful situations happen and its like all my insecurities and fears come flowing out and I cant control it. This been kind of happening for years already although the problem varies (like my identity issues wink wink or just other issues in my life in general) and idk if its supposed to be normal or if i should get a diagnosis or something since my problems just get exaggerated compared to how others might view my situation

Anyways backtracking it just feels like im going to fail everything and not even promote even for subjects i study for i can barely remember anything. Im so scared for my promo papers since i know they will not be easy

I can say that i regret not studying hard throughout the entire year, but at the same time I dont want to blame myself because i know that im not trying to be lazy or disappoint anyone. Maybe i could have handled things better but i really just couldn't handle all my problems at once or be so forward thinking all the time... But its just so hard especially since I dont feel like I can turn to anyone about this since its not just something trivial I can talk about openly.

I just want to make it and stay alive but sometimes i feel like this system has failed me :( i just wanna be happy little boy with a peaceful and quiet life and be loved for who i am as a person. Im just gonna try my best for other subjects for now and push through my thoughts, whatever happens happens but im defo worried about what everyone else will think about me if smth bad happens...