Called to homeschool, but scared I’ll fail my kids (mom guilt + anxiety, anyone else?)

Hey everyone,

I’m just looking for some insight… or maybe encouragement?

I know I want to homeschool my kids. Honestly, I feel very called to it. I love the concept of homeschooling, I research curriculum for fun, and I get excited about new ways to learn. I’m super pro-homeschool.

Right now though, we’re in a unique little season. My kids are in a half-day church program that feels completely safe and they’re learning so much. It’s been a blessing, it gives me a 3-hour break each day while they thrive, and it’s giving them a solid foundation before I take over full-time. For me, it’s also been time to heal from postpartum anxiety, mild depression, and just… recovering from having 4 pregnancies in 6 years.

Here’s my struggle: I love my kids, but my patience is thin. Mom rage is real (please no shaming, I’m working on it). I also have PMDD and I’m on a small therapeutic dose of medication to help manage it. Even with prayer, scripture, and trying to take care of myself… I’m scared I’ll fail my kids when it’s time to homeschool full-time. Public school is not an option for our family, and private school isn’t financially possible.

And I’m ashamed to admit this, but I’m going to say it: I don’t love the toddler phase. This doesn’t mean I don’t love my children; I do, deeply… but dang, the toddler phase feels like the actual trenches sometimes. And I have multiple toddlers. One who is waking up and demanding to start their day at 4 AM everyday. I’m exhausted.

The truth is, I really look forward to my 3 hours “off.” I use that time to work out, prep dinner, or just listen to a podcast. It feels amazing and then I feel guilty for how happy I am when I’m alone.

So, I guess I’m asking: has anyone else been in these emotional trenches? How did you step into homeschooling when you felt flawed, exhausted, or like your patience couldn’t possibly stretch that far?

Any encouragement or advice from moms who’ve been here would mean so much.