i think i'm losing my fucking mind

disclaimer: i just want to clarify if this post can be seen as somewhat incel, i am not an incel, women can do whatever they want and i don't hate them, okay?, this post is also wirtten in the hight of emotion, so jot everything is supposed to make sense

i want a girlfriend at the same time i don't, i'm year 4 out of 5 in college and i'm struggling, i think i'm going mad over this, i feel like a drowning man grasping for air, but i didn't know i was drowning until recently.

i want a girlfriend, there is a girl i find attractive, i don't know anything else about her i really want to say something, but everyone tells me know, because it will ruin my life and my ability to study if i did, i'm afraid of that more than the fear of being rejected.

i see her and i just want to hug her man, that's what i want most and even if i talk to her that's still years away (i need to marry her to even touch her)

i like her, i want to talk to her, but i'm afraid of all this, such a simple need requires so many complicated things, and i have to think 5 years into the future for this.

why i'm feeling like i'm going insane (if that hasn't convinced you) i'm looking for every crumb of female approval it's actually pathetic, any girl, but that isn't right, that isn't what a sane person should be thinking. i'm lost and i don't know what to do.