I can feel my liver

So I’ve been a binge drinker for 4 years. I don’t drink everyday but any evening I am on My own I feel an overwhelming urge to drink. It is not necessarily because I feel anxious or depressed. It is simply like my brain makes an automatic association between being alone and desiring a drink.

I will always drink to access. I always know that I will whenever I start. I don’t pretend to myself that I’m gonna have one or two drinks because I don’t want one or two drinks. I want to get drunk and recently my tolerance has reached the stage that I need at least two bottles of wine if not more to get to where I want .

Anyway, I am two days sober and yesterday I had a bath. I lay down in my bed and I was feeling on my abdomen. I noticed that when I felt on the right side below my rib cage that I could actually feel an organ there it was different to the feeling under my left rib cage where I could feel soft and no organ.

I realise now that my excessive drinking has actually reached a point where it is damaging my body. I am terrified. I have to stop.

Today is day three sober and I will use this as motivation to keep off the alcohol. I also want to share this message that it doesn’t always need to be daily drinking to cause damage to your liver sometimes even just excessive binge drinking a few days a week can cause inflammation.

I will not drink with you today and I’m so glad that I’ve joined this sub Reddit for support. I will keep you all updated and share my own words of wisdom and advice once I’m in a position too and have more sobriety under my belt. Thank you everyone for your honesty and for not making me feel alone in this