Today is hard.

Today has just been a bad day, I woke up with nightmares of my ex and it set my day off to just suck. I had a really rude customer today who told me I must be a man cause I sound like one. (This was over the phone) and it hit a trigger in me because I am insecure about my voice. I came home and cried into my pillow and laid like a corpse for hours. Now I have an insatiable craving to text my ex (we broke up a few months ago, but it still stings a lot) that I love him and miss him. He was my safe space and my favorite person, I want to know if he misses me too. I want to ask how his day is. I just want that comfort..badly. I’m doing everything I can to not reach out or even have these thoughts. I have accepted my reality with this person and I respect that the feelings aren’t reciprocated even though I want nothing more than this person to be in my life. Badly.. I just want everything I feel to go away. I have no one to vent to so I’m sorry for just kind of dumping it out here. I’m always looking for advice to keep myself on the path of healing and being a better me. I so deeply want to be okay.