I think I died when my dad did & a situationship pushed me off the edge

the title is dramatic but let me digress. I am 22F my dad died in Oct 2023. He wasn’t a perfect anything but was my best friend. Fuck cancer. You know like life just feels so weird I have friends, good ones too. I’m an exotic dancer as work it’s not easy but it gets me by. I’ve travelled which is the only thing that keeps me going. The world is beautiful. I got into a 3 month situationship w a young 25M a year after my dad’s death. I wasn’t ready to be w anyone tbh& the young man used that to his advantage. Shameful I became intimate with him to feel loved. This generation downplays heart break so much, we’ve gone no contact for almost 10 months. I still cry for him all the time I haven’t had sex w anyone else cuz I just don’t even know how to mentally process doing that. My family isn’t really around nor do I have extended family like that. I think about going to see my ex maybe to try to talk but it’s so clear how much he hated me after all I did was be sweet to him. I had empathy for him he was in the IDF & had his own mental battles & while I couldn’t ever fix it I tried to be loving, non judgmental & understanding. When we broke up he basically made me look stupid. He constantly hid me & ignored me. I got mad & smacked him across the face which I regret & apologized for. Now im blocked everywhere. As much as I hate what he made me he was the only one who would listen & hold me and understood what I was dealing w going thru that death. I miss my dad immensely & my job is so draining but I keep getting up amd making it work cuz I have no choice. Anyways I don’t even think there’s advice for me besides keep moving on.