I loved too much and now I'm spiraling

So, I was in a LDR for four months and we managed to meet up mid September for seven weeks. But, long story short, it seems things didn't work out well and she ended things abruptly ten days ago.

Something broke in me that day. I'm not gonna lie, I was never a particularly stable person. I have major depression, anxiety, ADHD and ASD and probably CPTSD. She knew all of that, and she said it was fine, plus I was quite well before breaking up.

She told me she loved me and trusted me with all her heart, that we'd be togetger for our whole lifes, yet she broke up with me because she didn't have time for me, because there were a lot of things more important than me in her life; because she didn't want me around. She wouldn't ever want to know why.

She told me she wouldn't break up with me because she thought I woukd kill myself if she did, and asked me if that was the life I wanted to have. She didn't know at that moment I already tried, and I had to tell her it was fine, that I would never do that, yet it's the thing I want.

I lost my flights back home and had to reschedule because I was trapped in urgency care of a hospital because I was mentally invalidated and she doesn't even know.

I don't know what to do anymore, I don't even know...