22f and feel doomed

I’m 21 pushing 22. I can’t help but feel I’ve ruined my life. I’ve had so many setbacks in education and now am scared to make a decision . When I was 17 I retook the school year and changed subjects during a levels which I was adamant on and thought was my passion and really wanted to leave my schools environment.

During the course of these two years I failed my a levels. I found it difficult to come into school and suddenly the subjects I picked I hated and being in a class full of youngers in hindsight did affect me badly. I was ashamed and then that shame turned into the way I looked.

Then I enrolled onto an access course that year and couldn’t fully focus my attendance was bad and I credited the further shame. I still didn’t know what to do. But then during that one year course I worked part time in a job I liked and it gave me confidence in myself a little bit and I went college more often , and completed my course later on tho.

I was expecting to get my results for January intake 2025 but in May college told me they lost most of my work which I had to redo. During this time I was working my most prestige job yet , well paying but it was toxic. I could gulp the toxicity when it was part time but then I did two months full time and it made me more anxious due to being singled out and treated differently in the work place and the same time the college having lost my work which I didn’t want to redo.

Now fast forward September , the whole summer I was depressed I went into college to complete the bits of the qualification they lost and gained a qualification. I got into uni but am not set on the uni and am worried about the age and am living in accommodation. I haven’t yet enrolled but to be honest I don’t know what to study and afraid I will drop out giving my track record in education. I live with my parents and younger brother who’s 16. I can’t stand being at home as I don’t feel supported emotionally or secure. I’m seeing others graduate and live the uni life I never got to live and I have no Independence or confidence in my social skills these past years. I don’t know what’s wrong with me as I just don’t know what to study but I can’t stand being at home as it’s making my mental health decline. I don’t have a friendship group and have been deprived off connection this entire year as my work place is commission based so it’s difficult to make genuine friends. I feel as if I’m wasting my best years in limbo and this has no made my social anxiety worse as I don’t even want to go outside as everytime I put myself out there something terrible happens. I honestly feel so scared of the trajectory my life is taking. I am very depressed and anxious.