I feel pathetic (sorry if it gets long)

There was this sports tournament in our collage and long story short, I come to witness this match for the first place among the boys category and upon seeing it, I started to question my existence and my being as a sports person.

Since childhood, I’ve always been active in sports and ngl I’ve taken pride in it. Sports made me happy, and I wanted to surpass my dad who was also a fellow sportsman. But when I was witnessing this specific tournament, there was this guy who’s game play, I found so so soo mesmerising. But instead of admiration towards him, i felt very envious of him.

The thing is, I’ve never had a main game of focus. Each and every sport had fascinated me and I had stretched my legs in every sport that came my way. If I liked it, I’d join a class, practice it for, say maximum 2 yrs and then hop on to next. And honestly speaking, I never got a feeling from any of them that this is it, this one’s for me. I just kept on going with whatever came my way and before I realised, I could do nothing but regret.

Seeing that person play so beautifully that day, it made me realise that, I’ve been doing nothing but wasting my years rather than sticking to one thing. If I had focused like him, I’d have achieved a level of mine too. As a sportsperson, I felt so pathetic that since that day, it’s been growing on me and I regret my life. Like I could’ve been so far, my goal of being good at something im good at, just felt useless. I lack motivation and determination, and these days, i feel worthless beyond point. it's like ive lost the spark.