Healing

You make me wish I was conventionally pretty.

Not to say that I’m insecure. I just don’t fall in line with the kind of girls you go for. Im as feminine as it gets. I love dresses and polishing myself up till I sparkle, but let’s face it, I know I catch a different kind of light. I don’t shine the same way they do. But hey, at least I shine.

I know my way around a tool box and have no problems getting my hands dirty, even if my nails are painted. .

I don’t need anyone to come save me, I’m far too busy saving myself. And it’s been about damn time I finally pulled my head out of my ass and started making progress. Even if it’s slow, at least I’m getting there. .

I had gotten myself stuck in a trap. One that was constructed on insecurities and driven by someone who shouldn’t have been behind the wheel . It took me a while before I remembered that the weight of other people’s problems don’t quite fit my scales.

It took loosing my mind before I remembered what shape my soul resembled, and now there’s no turning back. ~Exibit: A. Square peg vs round hole n such. It’s funny how we full fledged feeling mother fuckers will give all we’ve got to someone based on an idea entirely made up of refracted light from the wrong sized mirror. We buy cheap goods mislabeled as upper shelf commodities and end up starving on a diet of poorly dispersed bread crumbs all the while we’re too distracted to stand back up and reach for the whole loaf.

I’m done being lost on the wrong roads. I’ve been tirelessly catching up to myself. Working double time on a path once paved with good intentions and bad choices. Now, every step I take feels more and more like fertile ground every day.

I no longer lend time or energy to any of those jokers on the sidelines, I know what I want and it’s definitely not anything to be confused with settling for one of the damn apes growing stones into the crowd again. If you spend too much time around them they’ll have you convinced that where you belong. Please refer back to exhibit A.

Truth is, I’m soft. I love animals and babies(no, I don’t want any, I just like them) . I’m a romantic who’s smitten by a good love story and I like to feel desired. I want those deep conversations. I have learned a lot of lessons in the past and have had them driven home hard over the last year. And I’d rather stay lonely than get involved with someone who’s only wanting something surface level.

The most important thing is that I continue working toward my goals whether I’m alone or not.