Questions about Sex Education in Islam — Need Guidance

Salaam everyone,

I’m a Muslim girl from a South Asian background, and I’ve been thinking a lot about sex education and how it fits into Islam. In our culture there’s usually a big taboo around even mentioning things like puberty, periods or reproductive health. Parents often avoid the topic completely until marriage, if they talk about it at all. But Islam gives us a complete code of life, so I’m wondering what guidance we actually have from our faith on this.

I’m especially curious about when children should start learning about puberty and reproductive health. Is there an age that’s recommended in Islam for parents to begin these conversations? I also wonder if it’s okay or even necessary for boys to learn about women’s health, like periods and PMS and the emotional changes that come with it, and for girls to learn about men’s reproductive health too.

Some elders in my community say that mentioning periods or puberty in front of men, even fathers or brothers, goes against haya (modesty). But I feel like hiding these topics leads to misunderstandings and sometimes even lack of empathy. I’m not sure what the right balance is between modesty and education.

Another thing I’ve been thinking about is how to handle education about marriage, like emotional needs and intimacy. There are often issues after marriage where women rarely feel fulfilled or even finish during intimacy, and this is hardly ever talked about. Is this something normal or is it because we don’t educate ourselves enough? How do we include guidance about having a healthy, respectful and mutually enjoyable intimate relationship in sex education, so that both partners feel loved and understood without judgment? I’m not talking about explicit instructions, just the kind of knowledge that can help people go into marriage with respect for each other’s needs and emotions.

I personally believe that understanding each other’s physical and emotional experiences can help build empathy, respect and stronger marriages, but I’m confused about where to draw the line so that we stay within Islamic values of modesty.

I’d really appreciate any guidance, personal experiences or recommendations for scholars, books or lectures that talk about this topic.

JazakAllahu khair.