what is life now!?

Our wedding anniversary is this weekend. I left him at the end of august after a third party finally revealed that he’d been cheating for the last 2 years. Of course I had a feeling, but we had a baby and choosing “peace” and ignorance in the dumpster fire of my “4th trimester” felt easier. I filed for divorce a few weeks ago, I’ve been living with my parents with our baby out of state, and I have no idea if we’ll have to go back to where we were living or not. And now that day that started that life I lived is around the corner and I ache when I think about it. Going through divorce is like being strapped in a roller coaster you can’t get off. I’ve been a stay at home mom - I have no money, and all of my plans are on hold until I know where we’re (she’s) allowed to live. Even though his “activities” seem to have happened a while ago, I still feel like I just happened when I found out. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel, I just wish it was one feeling at a time instead of all of them. I’m still young, in my 20’s, but it’s hard to not wonder if this is what the rest of my life looks like.. alone, sad, confused. Logically I know there’s going to be more to mine and my daughter’s lives but it’s hard to see it right now. Even though he didn’t appreciate it, I loved being a wife.. and I love being a mom more than anything. I’ve only ever spent 2 nights away from her out of 913 give or take.. how am I supposed to go 50/50 when he’s never spent more than 6 hours alone with her 😞 Roller coaster.