Temporary peace (tw suicide ideation)

I've never posted here so I hope the title is ok. I've been lurking for almost a year and this sub has literally changed my life. I've been with my Q for 7 years and only after accidentally finding this sub did it feel like things finally clicked into place.

It became a crisis point this past week when my Q was very close to going through with a plan. Instead he reached out to his best friend after not being able to reach me at work. He went through an ER psych hold and his friend agreed to let him stay with them for a little bit while we figure out a follow-up program, our insurance coverage, and me getting some time off work. They live 5 hours away so I drove him there and got back late last night.

I've never lived alone, always with roommages or long term partners. I woke up this morning thinking I'd be lonely, maybe spooked in an empty house. Instead all I feel is just tremendous peace. The house is horribly dirty and there's the aftermath of years of chaos everywhere. But its quiet. I can think and do what I want. I truly feel only responsible for my own needs. I haven't spoken a word to anyone in hours and it literally feels like saving my voice.

Part of me is afraid of acknowledging this and what that means for the future and for us. I just wanted somewhere to share this feeling for now.