WIBTA if I sued my elderly parents?

I want to start by saying: I know my legal options. I’m not seeking legal advice—I’m trying to decide if I really want to open this Pandora’s Box.

I’m 33F. My parents are 67M/F. I have two younger siblings, 30F and 27M.

I grew up in an abusive household where everything was minimized and normalized. After years of therapy, I’m still struggling to accept that what I endured wasn’t okay. Even now, my sister will say things like “Dad could have been worse” about the emotional, physical, and financial abuse we suffered—as if that makes it acceptable. I can’t talk to my family about any of this because they dismiss me as dramatic and overreacting.

One of my earliest memories, around age 3, was of my parents screaming at each other. My dad grabbed my mom and shook her, and she ran out of the house, leaving me and my infant sister alone with him.

To say I grew up on eggshells is an understatement. I could tell my dad’s mood by the sound of his footsteps coming up the stairs after work. You never knew what would set him off.

Examples: My dad beat my sister with a slotted wooden spoon until she bled because she clogged the toilet (she was under 6). He flipped out when my brother had a single nail painted green. He banned us from kissing our dog while wearing lipstick after finding a lipstick mark on its head.

He often took us to job sites starting when I was 3. There was no reason—our mom was home or had discounted childcare. Work sites are dangerous for kids. My sister was once hit in the forehead by a falling ballast at a job site and needed three staples. My brother was pulled from school so often to help my dad that the county nearly pursued truancy charges. Dad never fairly paid him, which feels like both educational neglect and financial abuse.

There were also arrests and DSS involvement. When my brother was 8, Dad drunkenly sprayed him with cold water after fireworks, prompting a neighbor to call police. Less than a month before, Dad had beaten my brother hard enough to leave a handprint. I called police; he was charged with “unlawful neglect” (a watered-down charge). DSS got involved and told us Dad wasn’t allowed around us—but Mom let him anyway, risking us being taken into foster care. I was 14, fully aware of how wrong this was.

Then at 15, Dad had me put my name on a property deed with my mom to get tax breaks. He promised that when I was financially responsible, I could move in. I became financially independent right out of high school, working full-time while finishing school and taking college classes. But when I graduated, Dad signed a lease for the property without my consent, blocking me from moving in. The property is co-deeded 50/50 between me and my mom. Dad’s name isn’t on it, yet he’s controlled it for 13 years, earning at least $120,000 in rental income. I’ve never seen a cent.

My family says I’m the AH for even thinking about asserting my rights because “I didn’t pay for it.” But it’s my legal property. They used my identity to defraud the government and profit, making empty promises to manipulate me. I can’t shake the violation—to me, your identity is your most sacred belonging.

I’m self-made. I’ve always paid my own bills, bought my own cars, and put myself through college. When I tried to buy a house at 25, my name on their property limited my buying power. I still qualified for a conventional loan because of my credit, but it was a hurdle I shouldn’t have faced.

Now the tenants have abandoned the property, stealing fixtures and leaving the roof leaking and the AC broken. Dad “half-fixed” things but left it unlivable. While I was traveling over this past weekend, I found out he drew up paperwork—again with my name on it—to sell the property without my consent.

Since my fiance passed away unexpectedly earlier this year, my tolerance for abuse and disrespect has plummeted. He’s not here to stand up for me anymore, but I know he wouldn’t want me to tolerate mistreatment—especially not from my own family.

People tell me to “give my mom grace” because she’s also a victim of dad. But she chose to bring children into this situation, chose not to leave, and chose not to protect us. If I ever become a mother, I will protect my children fiercely. I cannot understand how my parents justify their behavior.

I was the “parent” to my siblings starting at age 8. Dad always told me their mistakes reflected on me. I’m fed up. If I keep letting them treat me like this, I’m also guilty for not stopping them.

But I hesitate because they’re in their 60s. My mom has no retirement fund and is financially dependent on dad. He’s legally blind, diabetic, and an alcoholic. He still makes her climb ladders for his IT jobs. It’s sad, but not my burden. They won’t change.

People say, “But they’re your family,” or “They did their best,” or “Others had it worse.” But it’s because they’re my family that it hurts so much. They didn’t do their best. Comparing my pain to others’ doesn’t make it disappear.

Life has been hard enough. Am I selfish for being done with my parents’ abuse? WIBTA if I sued them over the property and the financial abuse?