I don't want to accept it

I dont want to be asexual but all signs are pointing to it. Ive never enjoyed any sexual experience ive ever had with any type of person and ive never desired it. I can be with a beautiful person who wants me badly, who is telling me to my face they want me, and my first feelings are disgust??? I feel grossed out when a hot girl wants to touch me. I dont feel grossed out by her but by her lust, and I dont agree with my reaction. I feel like im being unfair. I feel like a disappointment. I cant even look at myself naked. I masturbate with my clothes on and I prefer it that way. I cant even touch myself with my hand without it feeling medical. I feel like a freak! Ive also been sexually a few times so thats definitely a factor to that. I wonder if my disgust towards it all is purely caused by trauma? Is it fixable?