Had a melt down out w/ my Mom I feel bad I can't keep it together anymore my ugliness is intolerable I just want to hide

I have been strong for so long and I pretend to be happy but I'm honestly dying inside. Every waking minute feels painful and humiliating. I feel like there's no point in anything my appearance is so bad I am literally feeling like I should be classed as a disabled persons(which pisses me off cause I'm capable and have a lot to offer but I'm always reduced/reminded I'm ugly and worthless) this shit is SO hard and SO joyless I feel like I'm in a Saw game. Brutal, hard to watch and hopeless. Work feels like a mine field 💣 Dating and relationships are off the table looking like this. My only copes are isolation and weed. I'm high AF 24/7. The pain of looking like this is destroying me. What the fuck is left to do? I feel like I'm in an exhaustive pointless torture session. I Just want to be pretty 😢 Being an ugly woman is like an oxymoron. I'm a living breathing freak I hate this silent hell.