It gets better...right?

I'm a FTM to a 17 week old. To say the last 17 weeks have been hard is an understatement. I think we've had about a week of "easy".

Baby was born with jaundice and requires treatment. He refused to latch so has been combi fed from birth. He has CMPA and is combi fed expressed breast milk (I've given up diary and caffeine) and amino acid formula top ups since I don't produce enough for him and he refuses to latch.

We have spent the last 12 weeks battling his cmpa, trying desperately to get him settled with his feeding. I feel we take steps forward then something else happens and we take 3 back. If it's not my diet, it's the formula, so we change. Then he's affected by the rotavirus vaccine and develops lactose intolerance. We add Colief. He becomes painfully gassy, we burp more frequently. Then he gets refluxy and brings up all feeds. We try gaviscon. Then he gets constipated and refuses his feeds.

I don't know what else to do. We have medication for his constipation, reflux, hypoallergenic formula, lactase enzymes, frequent burping. He's fed every 3 hrs, but drs can only suggest further frequent feeding (1.5hrs).

I pump 5x a day, for 45 minutes because as I said, I don't produce enough.

His feeds now take an hour, and he refuses most of it. A lot of it is spent burping him. We've changed his teats, we've tried various feeding positions. Infant feeding team were no help.

Where do I have time to just enjoy being his mum? I felt robbed of the newborn stage, but made peace with the fact he was growing and wouldn't remember any of the suffering. Now he's four months and aware, I don't know what else I can do.

Feeling at a loss. I cry all the time. He doesn't deserve that.

Can someone tell me it gets better, so I can get out of this funk? I'm struggling to be positive about anything anymore. His feeds are so problematic that all's we do is feed, burp and then he naps. It's not the life I envisioned for him.