was i roofied? (long)

disclaimer: i was with my partner and made it home safely. no signs or evidence of assault. tw for sui attempt/talk

story below, tldr below that

me and my partner went out last saturday. i had 5 margaritas over the course of 4-5 hours. i would like to add i had a similar amount of alcohol the weekend before and did not have anything like this newer experience did to me. we started at one place, had two margs and then we walked down to the next bar. we sat at the bar and watched a band. i thought i was keeping an eye on my drink but i had my backed turned for a few moments throughout the night. there was this guy that kept staring at us and he kept shaking my partners hand and he shook mine too. at one point he was right next to me talking to the bartender but my back was to him (and possibly my drink, i honestly don’t remember). at one point we got up to dance and i think i had finished my drink but this is where my memory gets fuzzy. State Guy was excited we were up dancing which my partner pointed out to me the next day. i didn’t have an eye on him bc he was just some guy. after we danced, and i decided to be done drinking, i got a water from their “hydration station” and we went on the patio so my partner could smoke. Stare Guy was out there and spotted us immediately and invited me specifically to the bar next door. i was like yea im down as soon as my fiance is good to go. Stare Guy went in and i followed as did my partner. SG went up to his buddies and I started talking to all 3 of them. my partner was a few feet away talking to someone else. i was asking them nosy questions and they were polite and friendly. after i finally finished my water i realized how drunk i was. which, i told myself i had drank quite a few. but in retrospect i shouldn’t have been that level drunk that suddenly. so they ask where my partner is and say they’re ready for the next bar. so we take off and i grab my man otw out because he’s right by the door. the guys go in the next bar but the bouncer doesn’t let my partner in so we start walking home. i still have my water cup, and i keep dropping it. i figure eh im drunk im so silly hehe. but as soon as i pick it up i drop it again. thankfully there was a trashcan across the street and (i think) i throw it away, tho my partner swears i threw it into the trees (which i literally can’t imagine doing). now, the first weekend of 5 margs, the walk home was a little wobbly. but after this one, i was staggering. i literally thought i was going to fall over. my partner didn’t realize what state i was in so he was just annoyed bc he thought i was gonna get us arrested lol. i vaguely remember taking a back way home and “petting the trees” (there were pines or junipers or smthing along the sidewalks) then i start joking how i would love to be arrested bc i had to pee. and then i just pissed my pants? so i took off running for a few feet before realizing i was could not do that without falling over. and the memories get really blurry here. TW for sui i get home, strip my clothes and get in the bath. i think my partner is right behind me but im not sure. blank spot i get really upset and jump out the tub and throw on the first clothes i see and i threaten to off myself. i try walking out but my partner stops me. so i go in our room and try to jump out the window; i literally knocked the nightstand over to get to it but thank god my partner stops me. he wrestles me down into the hallway and i have a full meltdown, talking about how im not good enough to be here, i wanna see my late granny, and i get detailed about what im gonna do if i can get out. i slammed him against the wall and squished him. i busted his lip. at this point he knows something is up. he calms me down and i take a bath again. black out i’m on the couch under a blanket and he’s recording me. apparently we’d been there 2-3hrs and i was talking to him. i don’t remember any of our conversation. i end up in bed at some point but i dont remember how or when.

TLDR: -felt way drunker than i usually do after that many drinks -difficulty talking and walking -memory got worse through the night (couldn’t even have a convo without forgetting what i was saying) -staggered home like i had drank 2x what i had -incontinence -dropsy hand -uncharacteristic outburst

+i did go and get tested but they only tested for GHB. i don’t know if anyone did anything i don’t wanna point fingers so i didn’t call authorities or anything. and my partners washed my clothes asap. +i take prozac (ik i shouldn’t mix with alcohol)