Day 1 – Scared but Trying

I’m posting from a throwaway because I’m not ready for people in my real life to know this yet. I drank too much last night and today I feel awful: anxious, ashamed, and overwhelmed. I’ve realized that once I start drinking it’s like flipping on a faucet I can’t turn off. I don’t want to live like this anymore.

On top of the anxiety, I’ve been having intrusive thoughts and scary mental images when I close my eyes. They’re not something I want to act on, but they’re frightening and exhausting. I know alcohol makes anxiety and depression worse, and I think it’s playing a huge role in these thoughts.

A lot of my social life is built around bars, and I’m nervous about how to stay connected without alcohol being in the picture. But right now my priority is to get sober and get through today without drinking. I don’t know what the long term will look like, but I know I can’t keep going the way I’ve been.

If anyone has advice on getting through the first few days, especially with anxiety and intrusive thoughts, I’d be so grateful. Just reading other people’s stories here helps me feel less alone.