Last night was terrifying. Never again.

Ive been drinking on and off for a few months. Just a good buzz or whatever. In control. But more and more. I know why...bad survival mechanism.

Anyway, last night I didnt realize I went to far. I fell asleep, or blacked out. Idk. My husband woke me up with the baby crying. He didnt know I had been drinking. I couldn't wake up. I could feel my body and brain shutting down, slipping away. I assume my blood pressure and pulse were through the roof. I felt like I was dying. Fading and trying to fight to keep my mind alive. I kept thinking I wanted to live for my baby. I started praying for God to let me live and got enough strength to tell my husband what was wrong. Somehow got to the bathroom and made myself throw up. Laid there talking. I felt like if I kept talking id stay alive. Keep my brain moving. Just had to talk until it wore off. Bright lights on. Eventually I started coming through. It was absolutely terrifying. I really think I may have died if I had fallen back asleep. Just stop breathing and been gone. Never again. Im done.