I’m confused and don’t know what I feel anymore

I first realized what my bf is up to two months ago and since then it’s been a roller coaster for me. I should say he has been the most loving and caring partner to me. We are ldr but I always send him material and he always told me he looks at those or waits for me to do it together while on a phone/video call. I believed him because before we got together when we were just friends he told me he isn’t watching porn. But I started feeling something was off and he hasn’t been fully honest with me about his day to day life. Insisting on having no contact with females even at work when I told him to tell me everything since that doesn’t sound realistic. So when I flied to him to see him, in the first day a girl calls him. After that I decided to go through his phone because it’s proof he’s hiding something. I expected him to talk to one person or maybe tried to talk to some on Snapchat but no. There were multiple women on Snapchat one being an of girl from his hometown! He still says he didn’t know anbout her of and sent her money only to help her lol. He was also in these weird dating websites paying to sext bot women. Even when I was there only for two weeks he’d go into bathroom and do that. I discovered he has onlyfans he’s paying, despite of many times I told him how I feel about it even when they’re on Instagram followers. Before when we had an argument about his insta followers he told me “it’s not like I’m paying for it”. I told him this is porn and he’s not stupid why would he pay for it when he can see it for free. And wow turns out he is. He also had telegram and signal (although deleted but there are screenshots) and he insists those weren’t real people but only bots. I told him several times I don’t want to be exposed to these kind of things in life like escorts as he also knows I had trouble in my last relationship. When I confronted him about these he started crying and telling me he’s sorry. I almost left him changed my flight but he convinced me not to. But during those arguments I asked why did he have to do it and in the heat of the argument he tells me “I sometimes want to jack off to something else”. That is haunting me still. I went onto the bus today and I see these random women and think would he like them would he want to sleep with them. Am I weird for not wanting anyone else? It never even crossed my mind to think of someone else that way. There was also one time I send him some spicy videos and jokes that’ll be this much dollars. He started crying asking me why would I say that. I replied I don’t understand why he’s crying because if he can pay these random women’s bills and sex can be minimized to a transaction then as gf why do the same labor for free. I haven’t been wanting intimacy during sex since then. I told this to him and he says he wants love in sex and sad about the way I feel. But it feels meaningless. I don’t know how I feel anymore. I don’t know what to do. I am sometimes mad that he took away my ability to be carefree loving and naive. He accepts he’s ruined our relationship. I tried so hard not to get to this point. But they never listen until it’s too late. I sometimes feel empty. Sometimes my mind goes to possible alternatives other options and I think would I be better off with them. Or will every man I’m with be the same. I still love him but it isn’t the same. The memories used to make me happy now is making me cry, the lovey dovey songs I used to listen to are now too stupid. Why do I feel like this. Is it possible to come over this? Is this porn addiction or does he just not love me? Or maybe I am overreacting. It’s not like he physically been with someone else. Am I?