What are your most Prevalent CPTSD symptoms?

Just putting it out there into the void, I'll go first;

-I"m afraid a lot. Of the future, of not being able to take care of myself, make good decisions for my life, afraid I'll never be able to figure out healthy attachment enough to be able to make friends no matter how much therapy I"ve had, afraid I'll never feel better again from the absolute soul sickness I feel in my body, afraid I'll end up alone in either a state mental hospital , or drugged out in a home for the disabled where some caregiver who's getting paid a rock bottom salary abuses me and Ill die the same way I came into the world, surrounded by predators and abusers.

-Anxiety pretty much every day.

-issues with planning, organizing my life, keeping up with lifes demands. Things end up slipping through the cracks. I"ll realize that some aspect of something I need to take care of confuses me, and I may need help, and then I'm too embarrassed to admit I don't know what I'm doing, for something I "should" know. It reminds me of the movie The Edge, where Anthony Hopkins says that most people in the wild die of Shame, because they keep asking themselves "how did I get myself into this situation, I"m so stupid" instead of trying to figure out , a way out.

-Insomnia and nightmares.

-Depression and a sense of hopelessness, like my life no longer matters because of how impacted I was by trauma. LIke trauma just RUINED me, no matter how much I try to tell myself I'm "better" . You know, like why am I even alive if life feels like this? why?

-Anger.....Been to therapy, 10 years of it, and yet I never feel at peace, resolved, acceptance. I still have so many moments of "it's not fair!" ...."those Bastards!" what I would do if I had, had any power...fantasies of saving myself, only to be met with ........there is no way that would have happened because you had no power, over and over and over again, until I feel sick from the sense of complete powerlessness . And then angry, all over again. I have ZERO acceptance of what happened to me, I fight with the reality of it every-single -day. LIke maybe if I get angry enough , that will change something. NO fucking idea how to get out of that mindset. And then I feel like throwing shit. LIke that helps.

-Constantly looking for ways to escape how I feel even though I like to think of myself as brave. Sometimes things just get too be too intense and overwhelming and I feel like I"m just going to break in half from the stress.........because everything is so hard.......and that's when I hide. Sometimes for days, ....just to find a way to escape the fear and pain..........however momentarily.

-Massive nightmarish guilt and Shame for all the ways I was broken all my life. Looking back on awful jobs, broken dysfunctional relationships, self destructive behavior, being so screwed up and having NO IDEA why......and blaming myself for all of it, even now.