I feel like a butterfly in a jar on his desk

He’s not a “bad” guy at all… But it definitely doesn’t feel like he truly loves me. Or maybe he does really love me but it doesn’t feel like there’s any part that desires me. He “tries” really hard to be affectionate sometimes but it’s always very apparent to me. Am I crazy for thinking my spouse shouldn’t have to “work” at showing me that I’m special to him? That he wants me? I definitely show/tell him how I like to be loved but most of the time it falls on deaf ears. Or he’ll try for a week or two, then back to nothing. I still lust for him like a horny teenager, even after many ups and downs over a decade. But he’s just “not that into me” I guess. I know I’m not perfect but I know I’m a catch too. Out of desperation and depression, I have brought up the D-word. Sometimes because I thought that’s what I wanted but if I’m being honest I think I do it to give him an “easy out”. He never takes it and just guilts me out of it or waits until I stop being upset with him, (breadcrumbs) and we do it all over again. I love him so much that if he could be happier with someone else, I’d want that for him. I’m 99.9% it’s not about wanting someone else. But it is staring to feel like I’m this great “thing” he caught one day and now I have to live in a jar on his desk… anyways I just needed to get that out of my body since I can’t tell him. Heck I probably already have at this point but he doesn’t hear me. I’ve told him all this so many times that even though this is a throwaway, if he happens to see this, he’d probably know I wrote it. He knows me better than anyone… and yet here we are. I don’t need advice, just needed to try release these feelings that weigh me down.