I'm too used to being worldly

I don't know if I can accurately articulate this because I lack the energy and don't have a strong brain but hopefully you'll understand. I pray for God to provide me the strength, wisdom and guidance to align my will with His, but I find my will is still too separate from His. I'm too lazy and I'm scared about it. I'm just too used to being on autopilot mode. I think about how I'm automatically truly evil and only try to suppress it out of fear of God. I'm scared I don't love God enough.