How do I deal with being suicidal

I cant get help because I'm 16 and they will tell my parents and I'll get in really bad trouble and mu therapist will just admit me to the mental hospital (which the one near me sucks.) And I can't leave to go to the mental hospital because I have too much to do. I've only ever really been passively suicidal and only had a couple non severe attempts but today I'm really really bad thinking about it and the thoughts just won't stop I don't really want to die but I don't really see a choice atp. I feel miserable.