Why do we do this to ourselves...

Hi everyone, been a lurker around here for a while and it's been helpful reading others experiences, somehow makes me feel less alone in this.

So I'm generally a binge drinker, can go days without but more often than not it turns into a week or so of non stop drinking. And last Friday it started again, told myself like we all tend to do that I'll just have drinks on Friday, hang with a buddy, all good, figured since I didn't have anything I needed to do on Saturday I could just chill and get through the hangover. But ofc immediately after waking up that intense need to get more booze came and I gave in. This happened til yesterday where I had my last one. Now ofc feeling like shit again, cursing myself, how can a person do that to themselves etc.

It's just crazy how it works, it's like I'm looking back on someone else, that's not me.

Anyway, I guess it's day one and I'm not drinking today. I'm still having trouble commiting to full sobriety, I don't even know why. But for now I'm gonna take it one day at a time. It is getting more and more out of hand though with the benders happening more and more often. So something needs to change.

Sorry if the post is a bit rambly, I'm still having trouble organizing my thoughts.