How do I F70, explain how I don’t feel safe without making my husband M73, defensive?

Married 48 years. We haven’t been intimate in a very long time and this hurts his feelings. He’s not physically abusive but he’s loud and intimidating and very dismissive of my feelings. He has OCD which complicates things. He has to know what I’ve eaten and drank every day and I get annoyed by the inquisition. I don’t feel safe in him so much as finding a half eaten sandwich in the garbage so I hide it under other garbage. But it’s not just about food. I have misophonia, which he mocks, but it makes it difficult for me to be around him. We tried marital counseling recently but he refused to do the homework, which would require self reflection. Any advice as to him to approach him?