Broke

I am hell broke I just want to die but fear of painful death. I fell into this stage because the sins i had done every bad thing I had done giving me punishment even though I am trying to change I changed most of me I was joyfull once but not now because when I look back I can see how many betrayal and heartbreak happened just because me how many people even my close ones are staying away from me now what should I do how can I keep calm my self