My sister in law is pregnant

I had a miscarriage last year and a couple months ago I TFMR at 28 weeks. I have no living children yet and I'm 31. I just quit my job and I think I'm depressed. I am also trying to conceive again.

Meanwhile I just found out that my sister in law is expecting her second child. Her firstborn is 1 and a half and she is about 10 weeks now. My brain imediately did some math and figured out that her baby was conceived in the same week we had our baby's funeral. It was apparently an accident.

I cannot express how depressed and dark and broken I have been feeling since I found out. For the first time, I truly felt that this pain is unbearable and that if it weren't for my husband and parents, I would prefer to end my life. This is just too hard and I'm tired of having to be resilient and morally elevated.

I have a true feeling that her and everyone else's pregnancies are easy and undisturbed and for sure will result in a healthy living baby, but mine won't. I feel like I'm destined to suffer. I'm so angry at her and at the same time feel so guilty for feeling like this.

I hope and kind of believe that this darkness will pass. But I truly feel that it will only happen once I have a healthy baby in my arms. But this feels so far away and I don't know how I will cope with the next months.

If you can share any positive thoughts, or prayers, or anything. I'm so sorry you are here, too.

Thank you