A normal day in my mind

I spent several minutes looking at myself in the mirror before going to the gym. Maybe I like that more than I should. Maybe the gym is actually my favorite place... it feels like home, like a place where I find people who are similar to me. It’s refreshing. But the distortion in my mind kicks in the moment I walk through the door. Writing this down feels a little strange, but it’s like I immediately sense that people notice my presence. I assume some men and women feel desire for me, and others feel resentment or envy. I like comparing myself and seeing that I look way better than people much younger than me, and I also get inspired by older people with amazing physiques.

I came back from the gym and went straight to the mirror. I feel good every time I notice progress, and I think about how I wish some people from my past could see how well I’m doing. There’s a sadness that comes when I feel like I have potential for something but I’m wasting it. And there’s anger when I feel like some people never really saw me the way they should have.

I go to therapy and leave feeling bored. Sometimes it feels like my therapist’s mind is a little limited, like she’s trying to box me in. Sometimes I think she has an extremely dull life and is taking her own frustrations out on me. Other times she tries to get closer and be more friendly, but I can’t connect and I just feel repulsed. I think I only go to therapy to fool myself into feeling validated. I honestly feel like I’m way ahead of every therapist I’ve ever seen. It seems like they just lack real knowledge, you know?

Anyway, that’s a glimpse of how my mind works.