Story of my life (28M)

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure why I want to talk about my current life, I just failed an attempted suic*de a couple days ago.
My English is not really good so forgive me if I have any typo or grammar.

First, I want to share about my background, I'm a Vietnamese male, 28 yrs old.

I was born into an ordinary family in Vietnam, not rich but not poor, with enough to eat and wear. However, since I was a child, I had to live with frequent arguments between my parents, I caught them fighting a lot (daily) and I wish I haven't seen these fights. These conflicts were very exhausting for me. During my school years (grades 1–12), I caught my father cheating three times, which deeply affected me psychologically.

During my elementary and middle school years, I was frequently teased by classmates because of my last name, which in Vietnamese carries a meaning associated with women. This constant teasing affected me deeply. By the time I reached high school, I began to show signs of anger management issues. I had difficulty fitting in with others and would easily become angry at any teasing or jokes from classmates, even close friends. As a result, I gradually became isolated because of my unusual temperament.

After finishing high school, I went to study abroad in Texas, USA. However, my study abroad experience was not smooth because my family had financial problems (during COVID time). During that time, I had a relationship with a girl who was three years younger than me. Between my college years, I had to see a psychologist regularly because of various life issues. During that time, the doctor prescribed medications such as sertraline, escitalopram, mirtazapine, and melatonin. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder and major depression. After about two years of treatment, when things seemed to be improving, I discovered that my girlfriend had been cheating on me. I was devastated and attempted suic*de.

After 3–4 years together, I couldn't believe, she cheated on me and even sent me a sex video of herself after I discovered the affair. This completely broke me. Sorry I don't know why I repeat this a lot. All I ever wanted was a good life. I dreamed of having a happy family with the girl I loved, but in the end, nothing could hold it together. After that, I stopped following the doctor’s instructions and even increased the dosages on my own, taking the medications continuously for a long time. As a result, my condition became worse, and I was forced to return to Vietnam, unable to focus on my work.

My parents divorced after I went back to VN. Now, I'm living with my mom. And it has been more than 2 years. After returning to Vietnam, I met another girl. We were together until recently, but just a few days ago she ended the relationship, saying we both needed space. I had put all my focus and purpose of living on her, and her leaving felt very similar to my first relationship in the U.S.

When I returned to Vietnam, I carried a large debt due to the impact of COVID-19. I had to take on multiple jobs, even ones that most people wouldn’t dare to do. Later, I met a woman whom I thought could save this miserable soul of mine, but that didn’t truly happen.

There is a limitation so I will keep writing it in comment