35 year old disabled war veteran stuck in my head over something I shouldn’t be worried about a decade later

I’m married here in the states. My wife and I have been together for close to 14 years. With a year break when we split (I was deployed for most of that year). I can’t get over the shit that transpired when her and I wasn’t together. I wish I would’ve never grabbed the phone from our son to read the messages, etc.

we became engaged the following year and for the last 9 years and five married. What she did has never left my head.

Why she did what she did…

Back at the end of 2010 when we met. We were both AD army stationed in South Korea. We had our first child within 18 months, yeah I know.. I would later follow her to every duty station and unfortunately deploy time and time again.

I was a cheater. I cheated while she was pregnant. I cheated at fort Stewart, she gave me a second chance cheated again. We broke up but in my eyes never really broke up seeing things never changed as far as me being around daily and doing family activities and occasional sex.

From the years 20-24 I wasn’t the best partner. She was way more experienced than me at the time. The year I graduated high school she graduated college and was living on her own. Even now, I wonder what made her want to have a child with me..

Present day. I’m just a disabled PTSD like to drink veteran who works in a SCIF doing IT shit. My wife is now a commissioned field grade officer three daughters later and our son. Great careers, money isn’t an issue. Yet I’m stuck in my head.

Yes I told my wife on how I was feeling… her reply, you tattoo, jumping out of planes, switching cars yearly, cheated on me multiple times, slept with a woman who worked in the same battalion, pos…. ( had no idea they were in the same battalion)

At least I had enough respect to break up and be broken up for a year and wait to you pcsd to date. It happened 9 years ago. Get over it.

I’ve never gotten over it and don’t think I can