Any tips on getting family involved for marriage help

Is it worth any getting a family member involved? I think I would like an aunt on my wife's side to provide some feedback/opinion to me and my wife. The aunt is in a long term marriage with kids and I think that would be good feedback for us.

My wife is checked out. I feel its a wash with me, but when kids are around its very upsetting.

Recently, it was my kids birthday. She did something in the morning w/o my prior knowledge, which is fine whatever. Like most families and our own, we at least go for dinner on our kids bday, and she was completely checked out. She even ran off to another restaurant without telling the family where she was going. She does this stuff a lot when we are travelling with the kids, normally has something else going on in her head that nobody is aware of.

The kids are young. I am in the mode where its like suck it up and do it for the kids. If you cant then move on and get out.